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Experts believe that a significant 40 percent of teenagers are engaging in sexting in some capacity.
Is this article really about sexting?
Indeed! If you are a parent or involved with children in any way, you’re likely not surprised by this information. Recent research has shown that parents now consider sexting to be one of their top ten concerns regarding parenting—sometimes even ranking it higher than issues like smoking, teenage pregnancy, or school violence. One parent expressed enthusiasm when told that a book about sexting was being written, saying, “Absolutely! I’ve wanted to discuss this with my daughter, but it’s a challenging topic. I need this book.”
If this resonates with you, you are in good company! Parents, teachers, grandparents, faith leaders, and mentors alike find themselves navigating these waters.
The issue with sexting
Let’s make it clear: sexting is indeed a significant issue. Experts affirm that at least 40 percent of adolescents are involved in sexting in some manner. Some might argue that sexting is merely innocent exploration among teenagers—typical adolescent behavior. However, that perspective is misguided. Sexting carries a host of emotional, psychological, social, and even legal ramifications. Some notable points include:
- Sexting is associated with anxiety, depression, and even the risk of suicide among teens.
- It often undermines feelings of security and commitment while increasing conflict in relationships.
- The pleasure derived from sexting can trigger dopamine release akin to other addictive behaviors, such as drug use and pornography consumption.
- In some jurisdictions, sexting can be against the law, potentially resulting in criminal charges related to child pornography.
- It has emerged as a new medium for cyberbullying and blackmail threats.
- Recent estimates indicate that sexting can start as early as twelve years of age.
Why discussing this with our children is essential
The reason is straightforward: conversations about sexting aren’t happening. While school initiatives and government programs effectively educate children on the dangers of drugs and alcohol, sexting remains a taboo subject that many, especially parents, find uncomfortable to address. It’s crucial that parents and youth mentors take the initiative in discussing this vital issue, and this article aims to help you feel prepared.
Starting the conversation
When it comes to ensuring children’s safety online, early and frequent discussions are key. Research shows that the typical age for youth to receive their first Internet-enabled smartphone is around ten years old. Additionally, the average age for initial exposure to pornography falls between eight and eleven years. If you’re considering waiting until your child reaches high school to have a conversation about sexting, you may be too late. We recommend starting this dialogue between the ages of ten and thirteen, tailored to your child’s maturity level. Here are some strategies for initiating this conversation:
- Choose a private, comfortable setting where your child feels secure asking questions.
- Be open, genuine, and straightforward, aiming to create a relaxed atmosphere. If you appear anxious or stiff, your child may feel uncomfortable too. Pay attention to your body language to convey openness.
- Express your love for your child and confidence in their decision-making abilities. Help them see that your desire to talk stems from wanting to empower them to make wise choices, not from suspicion. For instance, you might say, “Landon, we’re really proud of you and your good choices. Remember when you helped with the dishes this morning? That was so kind! I thought it’s important we have a talk about something you might encounter. I trust you to make the right choices, but I don’t want you to be taken aback when it comes up.”
- Maintain a positive tone. Emphasize that smartphones can be a beneficial tool rather than a source of trouble. “Brooklyn, we’re thrilled about your new smartphone! Isn’t it amazing that you can reach us whenever you want? That meme you sent made my day! I want to ensure you feel secure while using your phone. Keep in mind that one thing you might come across is….”
- Reassure them that mistakes can occur, and you will support them through any challenges. Even well-intentioned children may make poor choices. Reiterate that you are available to talk anytime, and no matter what happens, you will help with love. Say something like, “Mark, just know that if something does happen—like if someone sends you an inappropriate image or requests one—you can talk to me. You might feel embarrassed, but I want you to know my main aim is to assist you, especially with difficult situations. I’ll be right by your side.”
Utilizing stories
One effective method for discussing sexting and its various forms is through storytelling. Sharing stories together creates a judgment-free zone where you can talk about actions of fictional characters rather than your child’s behavior—allowing for a more comfortable discussion. Our book, Stand Up to Sexting, features numerous illustrative stories. Here’s one that may resonate:
Story: Vanishing Trick
In Luis’s second-period leadership class, students were tasked with compiling pictures from the school year for a slideshow. While sharing stories and photos, some students chatted about a new social media app that claimed to erase pictures shortly after posting. While the teacher was busy writing on the board, several students messaged each other to test the app. Luis sent a selfie to Abby across the room. Carson shared a snapshot of Carlos breakdancing at the school dance, and just like that, the picture vanished. Luis was astonished! He attempted to find the photo, but it had seemingly disappeared.
During lunch, Luis and a few classmates decided to engage in something riskier. Devin, Luis’s best friend, had recently received a sext from a girl in his English class in hopes of starting a relationship. Devin quickly shared the image with the group of boys, and once more, it seemed to disappear in seconds. Laughter erupted at the outrageousness of what they had seen, but Luis had already taken a screenshot and saved it on his phone before it vanished.
The following day in leadership, each student met with their teacher to share their contributions to the slideshow. Sitting beside the teacher, Luis opened his photo album and scrolled through his pictures. When he swiped right, the nude image Devin had posted became visible. Both boys were horrified. Devin had no idea anyone had saved the photo. Luis’s teacher confiscated Luis’s phone and escorted both boys to the main office. The outcome was serious: all three were expelled, and local authorities were notified for further examination of the content.
Q&A Prompts:
- What constitutes a digital footprint, and how do you create one?
- Is it possible for images and messages sent online to ever be completely erased? What about apps that claim to do so?
- What could Devin and Luis have done differently to avoid this predicament? What about the girl in the photo?
Additional stories and resources
Our book, Stand Up to Sexting, contains many more stories, questions, and journaling exercises. Kudos to you for taking the steps to protect your children. Reaching the end of this article shows your commitment to this important topic. While these conversations can seem daunting, we believe in your ability to engage effectively. Because of caring parents and educators like you, it truly is possible to address the issue of sexting.
ABOUT CHRISTY MONSON:
As a marriage and family therapist, Christy Monson dedicated many years to helping clients recover and reshape their lives in Las Vegas and Salt Lake City. She obtained her bachelor’s degree from Utah State University and her master’s from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. A mother of six and grandmother to many, Christy is now retired and resides in northern Utah. She is also the author of several books, including 50 Real Heroes for Boys (Bushel & Peck), Love, Hugs, and Hope: When Scary Things Happen (Familius), Family Talk (Familius), and Becoming Free (Familius).
ABOUT HEATHER BOYNTON:
Heather is affiliated with the Child Development Department at Clovis Community College. She earned her Master’s in Early Childhood Education from California State University. Before becoming a full-time professor, she served as a preschool teacher and a trainer for Programs for Infants and Toddlers (PITC). Heather is also a California Early Childhood Mentor Teacher. She lives in California with her husband, Dave, and their four children, several of whom are teenagers.
[1] https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-sexting
[2] “Top 10 Child Health Problems: More Concern for Sexting, Internet Safety.” National Poll on Children’s Health. https://mottpoll.org/reports-surveys/top-10-child-health-problems-more-concern-sexting-internet-safety.
[3] Gassó, Klettke, Agustina, and Montiel. “Sexting, Mental Health, and Victimization Among Adolescents: A Literature Review.” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 16, no. 13 (March 2019): 2364. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph16132364.
[4] https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-sexting
[5] Gassó, Klettke, Agustina, and Montiel. “Sexting, Mental Health, and Victimization Among Adolescents: A Literature Review.” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 16, no. 13 (March 2019): 2364. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph16132364.
[6] Galovan, Adam M., Michelle Drouin, and Brandon T. Mcdaniel. “Sexting Profiles in the United States and Canada: Implications for Individual and Relationship Well-Being.” Computers in Human Behavior 79 (2018): 19–29. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2017.10.017.
[7] Hilton, Donald L. “Pornography Addiction – a Supranormal Stimulus Considered in the Context of Neuroplasticity.” Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology 3, no. 1 (2013): 20767. https://doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767.
[8] Madigan, Sheri, Anh Ly, Christina L. Rash, Joris Van Ouytsel, and Jeff R. Temple. “Prevalence of Multiple Forms of Sexting Behavior Among Youth.” JAMA Pediatrics 172, no. 4 (January 2018): 327. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapediatrics.2017.5314.
[9] https://www.pandasecurity.com/mediacenter/panda-security/when-should-kids-get-smartphones
Editor’s Note: All information provided herein reflects the opinions of the authors and does not imply endorsement by GLF or its editorial team. This submission was made without payment, and GLF appreciates Christy Monson and Heather Boynton for their expertise on this crucial subject.
