YOUR STRESS IS CONTAGIOUS: HOW TO AVOID INFECTING YOUR KIDS
By Dr. Sandy Gluckman | Contributor
You are a caring, considerate, and responsible parent. Your love for your children is boundless! You would do anything to ensure their safety and happiness. As you rush to complete the tasks on your To-Do list, you’re constantly aware of the time, needing to pick up the kids from school, take them to extracurricular activities, help them with homework, prepare a healthy dinner, and get them to bed to maximize their sleep. They also desire your attention; teenagers often need you to be there to listen or when they feel you might not understand their perspective. Parenting teenagers can be demanding but is incredibly rewarding.
With all of this going on, it’s no wonder that many parents express feeling stressed. Life is busy. However, parents possess great strength and resilience, pushing through like the Energizer Bunny, collapsing into bed at night only to rise and repeat the cycle the following day.
You can run but you cannot hide
The reality about stress that often goes unconsidered by parents is that, regardless of how well you appear to manage, your stress is transmitted to your children. Even if you don’t explicitly say, “I’m so stressed,” your kids, from infants to teens, can sense your tension. And here’s the surprising part: when they perceive your stress, it alters their physiology, making them feel stressed too. That’s significant! This means your stress is contagious!
Reducing your stress as a parent is the most loving thing you can ever do for your child.
Daily, I observe parents exhaust themselves trying to bring happiness to their children, yet often overlook the single, most crucial action they could take to genuinely enhance their children’s lives—finding ways to manage their own stress.
I don’t ask parents to become neurobiologists. However, it’s essential to recognize that in our high-stress world, when you are in stress mode, your children’s neurobiology shifts into stress mode as well. When your children pick up on the tension in your expressions, bodily language, tone of voice, and even the unkind words that might slip out, their chemical state quickly transitions from healthy to unhealthy. This change impacts their capacity to behave constructively, learn effectively, and enjoy life.
A quick neurobiology lesson
When you experience stress, it triggers an alarm in an area of your child’s brain known as the amygdala. This sends a message to the hypothalamus, alerting the pituitary gland, saying, “Hey, mom’s stressed (or dad’s stressed), and this isn’t pleasant.” In response to this alarm, stress hormones are released, and the child’s brain enters fight or flight mode. The outcome often presents as anger or withdrawal in your child. This situation puts them at risk for being labeled as defiant or depressed when, in fact, they are just stressed due to the pressures put on them by parents, caregivers, or teachers—because their stress is contagious. The key to preventing this is by learning to be a stress-less parent.
4 Steps to Take Today!
Parents, set aside some quiet time to thoughtfully consider the four questions listed below. Ensure you provide each other with honest and compassionate feedback, and bravely commit to initiating meaningful change. Remember that your children’s health and wellbeing are on the line.
The 4 Questions for a Stress-Less Life
- What can I (Mom or Dad) do to lessen my stress so that my child perceives me as calm, centered, and joyful? Your child is tuning into your stress. Write down at least three things both of you can implement. Discuss and brainstorm the potential consequences of not making these changes.
- Ask yourselves, “What insights can we gather from our child regarding what stresses them?” Compile a list of what may be causing your child stress. Understand that even if it appears trivial to you, if your child considers something to be a source of stress, it impacts their spirit, body, and mind. So, take it seriously.
- Brainstorm, “What changes can we, as parents, make to alleviate or eliminate this stress from our child’s life?” If the stress originates from school, you need to advocate for your child to work with the school to address it. If it’s a home-related issue, you, as parents, must consider lifestyle or relational changes that could ease your child’s stress. For irrational or unfounded fears, seek a competent practitioner who can provide tools to help address these.
- Evaluate your home environment. Is it a tranquil space? Are the colors of the walls and decorations warm and soothing? Is it organized yet free enough to be a safe and relaxing environment? Is there ample natural light? Does it offer peace and serenity? If it does not meet these criteria, agree on what adjustments you will make.
Minor adjustments can dramatically reduce stress. If, however, more significant changes are needed, and you come to this realization but choose to remain in denial or fear implementing those changes, your child may remain in a persistent state of stress. Remember, your child’s spirit, body, and brain depend on your courage to take action and release them from stress.
ARE YOU STRESSED? FIND OUT BY TAKING DR. SANDY’S STRESS QUIZ.
For more information on becoming stress-less and other drug-free treatment alternatives, visit Dr. Sandy at ParentsTakeCharge.com.
