by Kristin Cicciarelli | Contributor
Without question, today’s teenagers and pre-teens face immense pressure. From academic expectations to the constant need to be “on” (both digitally and socially), alongside competitive sports, and the reality of common issues like divorce, blended families, and learning differences, not to mention the everyday fluctuations of adolescence—it’s unsurprising that many children are grappling with significant challenges. For various reasons, young people could greatly benefit from speaking with an impartial, skilled professional willing to listen: a psychotherapist. However, some parents—despite having experienced therapy themselves—still harbor a “stigma” towards seeking therapy for their children. But why? Perhaps it’s rooted in the fear that “Therapy will label my child, making him feel there’s something wrong with him.” Or, parents might worry that “Therapy will make me appear as a failed parent.” There’s also the anxiety that a teenager might confront them during family sessions, particularly if they feel their parent’s expectations contribute to their tendency to overachieve. The reasons for hesitating to pursue therapy are not always straightforward but certainly merit examination.
What Many Teens Really Think About Therapy
Our children are our most prized responsibilities, and parents take this role very seriously. We naturally aspire to do what’s best for our kids, but because of our deep love, we may struggle to remain objective about what that actually entails. Mary Sanger, a psychotherapist from Insights Collaborative Therapy Group, offers insights that might ease parental concerns. “Many of my teenage clients are actually eager to share with their friends that they have a therapist. It’s seen as the ‘adult thing to do,’” she explains. Surprising? Perhaps. Yet, when considering it from a teenager’s viewpoint, it becomes clearer. “Therapy provides a secure space for young individuals to express and process their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors without fear of judgment,” Sanger notes. “That doesn’t mean we solely focus on those issues. For instance, if a teen confides in me about consuming alcohol, my goal isn’t to punish him but to understand the reason behind it and work together to explore healthier coping mechanisms.”
What About Confidentiality? Will the Therapist Know More Than I Do?
This is a frequent concern, but rest assured: when a child is a minor, the parent must initiate contact with the therapist. In her practice, Sanger mandates at least one session with the parent(s) alone to assess the dynamics of their relationship with the child, interpret personalities, and determine if she will be a suitable match for the family. After this, there’s typically a session divided into two parts: the first half with the child, followed by a family session where Patient Rights and Responsibilities are reviewed openly. Once therapy is underway, Sanger may meet regularly with parents or just on an as-needed basis.
What’s In It for Them?
If someone informed you of a validated method to help your child enhance their confidence and self-esteem; gain a deeper understanding of personal strengths and values; deal with disappointment without it spiraling into depression (for both the child and the parent); cultivate healthy friendships; and strengthen their bond with you, wouldn’t you want to learn more? Indeed, therapy can serve as a vital tool for achieving all these aspirations. Laura Elpers, a child and adolescent therapist at Insights, states, “Therapy is one of the most effective means to aid young people in crafting self-directed solutions to their personal issues.” When teens unearth their own constructive strategies, they are far more likely to employ them than if those same strategies were simply proposed (or mandated) by well-meaning parents.
If you believe your child would gain from psychotherapy, don’t hesitate. Seek a therapist who can assist everyone in navigating challenges, improving understanding, and most importantly, fostering growth together in love.
Mary Sanger, LPC-S, LMFT-S, LCDC, is the Founder and CEO of Insights Collaborative Therapy Group located in Dallas. She specializes in marriage & family therapy.
Laura Elpers, M.S., LMFT, is a therapist at Insights Collaborative Therapy Group, focusing on child/adolescent therapy and parenting issues.
