By Jeff Willie | Contributor
Expectations Shape Reality
In life, we often find that we don’t receive what we desire but rather what we expect. The focus here is on “Expectations.” The language we choose and our non-verbal cues like body language define our expectations. What do you expect from your children? What behaviors are you modeling for them? What messages are you communicating to their lives? Remember, there is profound power in words.
A Lesson from the Past
Reflecting on my eighth-grade math class back in 1972 in a small East Texas district, I recall how it was at a time when our school was newly integrated, with both black and white students learning together. Along with four other African-American boys aged 13 and 14, we were misbehaving during class. Our math teacher tried to regain control in an unfortunate manner, telling us, “You boys are STUPID; you are never going to amount to anything and don’t take algebra in the ninth grade.” His words were undeniably inappropriate and harmful, representing a low expectation mindset directed at African-American boys. This unfortunate expectation can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy concerning our children.
The Power of Words
Most of us know the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Clearly, that is not the case. Words can inflict lasting emotional wounds that may prevent someone from realizing their full potential. Before you speak, pause to consider the impact of your words on your listeners. Kindness in language is always welcome.
The Keys to Connection
Caring, belief, encouragement, and unconditional positive regard are essential for opening hearts and minds.
Traits of Effective Educators and Parents
- Show enthusiasm for their children and subjects while linking learning to real-life experiences.
- Demonstrate high expectations through their language and actions.
- Commit to continuous learning.
- Believe in each child’s ability to learn at a high level.
- Appreciate and encourage diverse forms of communication.
- Respect and foster productive relationships with students, parents, and guardians from varied socio-economic and cultural backgrounds.
Caring Transforms Learning
I resonate with Madeline Hunter’s observation that “Kids don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care!” Caring is crucial—hearts and minds can be opened in homes, classrooms, and circles of influence when passionate and compassionate parents, guardians, and educators step forward.
From Struggle to Success
Fast forward to 1995, where I faced a requirement of college algebra to obtain an associate degree from the Community College of the Air Force. The negative words spoken by my eighth-grade math teacher made that experience challenging. I succeeded after four attempts, driven by a refusal to let damaging words define my potential. My journey led me to serve for 26 years in the United States Air Force, earn three associate degrees, a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, a graduate certificate in conflict mediation, and pursue a doctorate in educational leadership. I now work as a College Professor, Internationally Certified Leadership Coach, Leadership Trainer, Certified Educational Consultant, Conflict Resolution Trainer, and Motivational Speaker. I’m also an Honorary Colonel in the Arkansas State Police, Honorary Member of the Arkansas Highway Police, and a Certified Arkansas Law Enforcement Instructor specializing in Rapid Response and SWAT. My wife Pat and I have been married for over 42 years and raised two accomplished daughters—one is a pediatrician, and the other is an attorney.
The Impact of Words
While I exemplify that one’s past does not dictate the future—you create your own future—many children do not manage to overcome the negative words they encounter. Words wield energy and power with the capacity to help, heal, hinder, hurt, harm, humiliate, and humble. Given the influence of our language, we must discipline ourselves to speak to our children with respect, gentleness, and humility. We should model kindness and communicate words that inspire, uplift, and encourage if we aim to set high expectations for them.
Editor’s Note: Professor Jeff Willie is an executive leadership consultant, conflict resolution trainer, coach, and motivational speaker dedicated to enhancing productivity, performance, and profitability for individuals and businesses. He received the Very Inspiring Parent Award in March/April 2018, recognizing his inspiring personal journey. To contact Jeff, email jeff@jeffwillie.com.
