The Joyful Moments?

**The ‘Empty Nest’ Offers Opportunities for Connection and Fun with Your Partner**
By Jeff Anderson / Contributor

I don’t get it. I was looking forward to this phase. I no longer have to attend basketball games, recitals, or school concerts. The PTA is behind me, and I don’t have to worry about returning home to find a teenage party taking over my yard. I’ve raised my children, and I believe I did a decent job. At least I tried my hardest, and soon they will be independent. Isn’t this the moment we’ve been anticipating?

Yes, it is.

But I’m feeling a sense of emptiness. I’m feeling isolated. I hardly know my spouse anymore. We seem to lack common ground, and conversation has dwindled. It feels like all we do is watch TV or stare at the walls. How did it come to this?

What was life like before the kids arrived?

We used to converse endlessly. We talked about our future, dinner plans, and where we intended to vacation next. Just being in each other’s company was fulfilling, and our intimacy was wonderful!

Now that the kids have moved on, this should be a time for my spouse and me to relish the freedom we’ve been eagerly awaiting for nearly two decades.

How can one of the most joyful stages of your life—the moment you’ve been dreaming about since your children hit their teenage years—feel so hollow? Why have divorce rates for older couples doubled in the past two decades?

Before parenthood, we shared interests and, more significantly, values. Family was one of those values, and while it remains important, it may appear different now. Life is characterized by growth. Our families expand, our interests shift, and even our values can change over time. Here’s the reality: if my spouse and I evolve in different directions, by the time our youngest is in college, we may become strangers to one another. Whether you have a newborn at home or your little one has been away for a few years, you can nurture and revitalize a joyful marriage. The essence of this lies in communication. If you grow—as you inevitably will—how can you understand your partner’s growth unless you nourish your relationship with frequent and sincere conversations? Engage in discussions that are playful and serious, about significant topics and trivialities, using your voices, your eyes, and your physical presence. The way we truly connect with people is by conversing and gradually deepening our insights about them.

What if your communication skills have become rusty? They can be revitalized with some effort. Sometimes, a skilled counselor can assist in refining the essentials. Often, we just need a gentle push to get started. You might already know your spouse’s hobbies, but discovering their passion behind those interests can deepen your bond. You might find joy in their interests (or at least learn to appreciate them) purely because of your love for your partner.

You were joyful before starting a family. You can achieve a happier and more satisfying marriage now by discussing your new interests and rediscovering playfulness as much as possible.

Editor’s Note: Jeff Anderson is a family law attorney, a husband, and a father of two teenagers. His bio can be found on page 9. To contact Jeff, email him at jeff@ondafamilylaw.com or call 972.248.8383. ondafamilylaw.com