How can we as parents help our kids to develop healthy use of social media and maintain their ability to establish “real” relationships face-to-face?
Good Life Family explores multiple sides of this distinctly contemporary issue.
By Alicia Wanek
Social Media and Kids’ Interaction
Instagram. Twitter. Snapchat. Facebook. Chances are, you frequently engage with at least one or two of these social media platforms. Your teenager, however, is likely interacting with them extensively. On average, kids spend approximately 6 and a half hours a day looking at screens, not counting the time spent on schoolwork. Twenty-five percent of American teens admit to being connected to a device within five minutes of waking up. They are constantly texting, posting, watching, blogging, messaging, and hashtagging on social media.
There is no doubt that social media provides numerous benefits for adolescents, particularly as they navigate the complex phases of relationship building, connection, and identity formation. But what about the potential drawbacks? When teens solely view curated online portrayals and compare those images to their own lives, how does that affect their self-esteem? When kids have the anonymity to post hurtful or false messages online with minimal repercussions, what are the long-term consequences?
Recent Films Highlight Social Media in Teen Lives
Recently, I’ve had the chance to view two films that focus specifically on teenagers and their online lives. Connect, produced by former teen heartthrob Kirk Cameron, addresses the issue from a conservative Christian perspective, featuring interviews with parents, teenagers, and experts. Screenagers, a film by physician Delaney Ruston, also explores different aspects of social media and how it affects kids and their perceptions of “screen time” in our society.
As a parent of three teenagers, I found both films to provide insightful perspectives:
The adolescent brain is particularly vulnerable to the pitfalls of social media. In Connect, Dr. Ian Armstrong, a neurosurgeon, explains that the prefrontal cortex—responsible for impulsivity control and reasoning—is not fully matured until the early twenties. The constant stimuli from digital devices can overwhelm teenagers, making self-control a significant challenge.
Dr. Ruston, in Screenagers, notes that the brain is wired for “seeking behaviors.” The allure of new friends, information, messages, and contacts online triggers releases of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to pleasure and reward. However, over time, more stimulation is required to elicit the same feelings, leading to a compulsive cycle similar to addiction.
Furthermore, studies indicate that the brain is not able to multitask efficiently; therefore, time spent on social media often detracts from scholarly focus, face-to-face interactions, and other obligations.
As parents, we are learning alongside our children. Mark Gregston in Connect points out that technology is as novel for us as it is for our kids. Kathy Koch refers to us as “guinea pig parents” or “pioneer parents” navigating screen time and social media management for teenagers. Every action we take shapes how our kids perceive and process their digital experiences relative to our priorities.
Practical Steps Parents Can Take
Cameron reminds us that “We can’t run from technology.” We must find balance between cultivating genuine relationships and screen time. Engaging with children actively during designated time together is paramount. Gregston emphasizes that it’s about training them to use technology responsibly rather than solely teaching. Efforts should encourage open discussions rather than lectures to establish boundaries. Pediatrician Leslie Walker in Screenagers suggests that children appreciate limits—taking away devices at night for better sleep, for instance, might be necessary. Understanding “digital citizenship” applied in all areas of life is becoming increasingly important. Even companies like Google and Facebook acknowledge that productivity increases when employees have designated device-free time.
Both films, within their two-hour running time, barely scratch the surface of the profound ways technology and social media are affecting today’s society, particularly our teenagers, but they ignite essential conversations that will continue over time.
Why is Loneliness Rising amidst Connection?
In the aftermath of the suicides of figures like designer Kate Spade and chef Anthony Bourdain, there has been heightened awareness surrounding mental health. These issues need intervention, and thankfully, discussions in the media have reduced stigma, as seen with celebrities like Demi Lovato sharing their battles. Many people identify with moments of isolation, but how can we feel lonely when we are supposedly more “connected” than ever? A “Minister of Loneliness” has even been appointed in England, underscoring the severity of the issue. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, describes our current circumstances as a loneliness epidemic.
Social media usage could very well be a significant factor contributing to this growing concern. Dr. Brian Primack, who directs the Center for Research on Media, Technology, and Health at the University of Pittsburgh, recently shared on the Today show findings from his studies. They reveal that the more time young adults spend on social media, the more likely they are to feel socially isolated, lacking fulfilling connections and a sense of belonging.
Sierra Sanchez, the Director of Outreach and Extension at the Grant Halliburton Foundation, frequently discusses this topic with youths. She presents this scenario: Imagine sitting with your closest friends but feeling as though none truly knows you. Many teens raise their hands when asked if they resonate with that feeling.
According to Sanchez, “Social media can lead to instant gratification or instant humiliation.” Every post and message holds the potential to uplift or diminish a teen’s self-worth. It fosters a relentless comparison dynamic. When young people look at their peers’ posts, they often don’t realize they are not viewing real life and end up feeling isolated in their struggles.
The key is to communicate with children about their stressors and reassure them that it is acceptable to be vulnerable with trusted individuals. One of Sanchez’s favorite phrases highlights that “the projection of strength without vulnerability will always drive you into isolation and loneliness.” Opening lines of communication can lead to deeper trust between teens and their parents. It is crucial to monitor their online presence and discuss wise posting decisions since college admissions offices are scrutinizing applicants’ social media footprints.
We aim to ensure that our adolescents are not missing out on building genuine, interpersonal relationships. Dr. Primack likens real-life discussions to eating an apple versus eating Apple Jacks cereal; while both can be enjoyable, the cereal is a poor substitute for the real thing. On a recent weekend fishing trip with my children, we shared a story that had us laughing uncontrollably, expressing joy that could never be conveyed through mere “LOL” texts and emojis.
Why Do Kids Use Social Media as They Do?
By Dr. Dean Beckloff | Contributor
Our kids are saying and doing things on social media that often bewilders us as parents. They are expressing thoughts to one another—and to the broader world—that they would never articulate in person, and many young people are cultivating a voice on social media that is not necessarily positive. They say things that astonish us while, in their “real” experiences, they can hardly muster a word.
What’s Behind Their Behavior?
Development
Kids often are not emotionally, socially, or morally mature enough to foresee the consequences of their actions. They have ample linguistic skills, yet genuine communication encompasses more than language alone.
Peer Pressure
The desire to fit in and gain acceptance from peers can lead to desperate behavior. Combine this need with an immature brain, and we have a volatile situation exacerbated by social media.
Anonymity Issues
On social media platforms, the nuances of authentic, face-to-face communication are absent. This anonymity can create a false sense of security, leading to safer feelings compared to the messier realities of direct conversations where disagreements can arise.
The Art of Conversation
By Dr. Dean Beckloff | Contributor
I cherish the times I spend with Suzy, who is captivating, humorous, and intriguing. She exemplifies the fine art of conversation that feels increasingly scarce in a world dominated by new technology and devices. How can we reclaim that art in this “brave new world”? Here are some suggestions:
Modeling
We must reflect on our own communication habits and determine if we are showcasing two-way conversations to our kids. Are we primarily allowing them to see one-sided dialogues as we engage solely with our phones? Technology may shift how we interact; are our children witnessing authentic adult conversations?
Create Context
While social media has its place, it should not replace real dialogue. Seek situations for genuine conversation with your adolescent. I initially struggled to connect with my teenage daughter, but found success over a meal at Olive Garden where we enjoyed breadsticks and salad. By sitting opposite her and listening, meaningful conversation blossomed, strengthening our relationship. Identify settings where authentic communication can thrive—this type of interaction is essential for emotional and social growth.
Practice
Like mastering math, practice is vital for conversation skills. Our busy lives can impede interaction with teens, yet it is crucial to allocate time to connect meaningfully. Engaging in various contexts—whether in your living room or garage—supports the development of conversation skills that teens will need.
Seek Assistance
If direct engagement proves challenging, consider bringing someone else into the mix. Find a friend who can converse with you and your teen, offering an informal yet constructive setting for communication. Social engagement and dialogue are stimulating to the brain and vital to healthy development. If we truly want to tackle the issue of social media, we must each contribute by engaging deeply with one another.
Conversation is fundamental for helping teens and tweens grow into well-rounded individuals. If they learn this skill in our homes, they might pass it on to their children someday.
Tools for Your Parent Toolbox Regarding Social Media
By Alicia Wanek
Recently, author Ana Homayoun presented at two events in Dallas, addressing parents through the Highland Park ISD Parent Education Committee and also serving as a keynote speaker at the Grant Halliburton Foundation conference. Sierra Sanchez from the Grant Halliburton Foundation notes that “parents, teachers, and counselors are eager for practical tools to navigate social media challenges.”
In her book Social Media Wellness: Helping Tweens and Teens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World, Homayoun emphasizes three main principles—socialization, self-regulation, and safety—and stresses the necessity for parents to assist their children in becoming accountable for their social media use. She believes that how we communicate with tweens and teens has a significant effect on their ability to make constructive and responsible choices regarding technology.
She encourages parents to help teens determine their values and consider whether their social media choices align with those values, thereby supporting their personal or academic aspirations. Moreover, she proposes “media agreements” with teens, wherein parents also establish their commitments for responsible socializing, self-regulating device use, and ensuring social, emotional, and physical safety in online spaces.
