By Dr. Sandy Gluckman | Contributor
You are a caring, considerate, and responsible parent. You cherish your children! They are your entire world! There is nothing you wouldn’t do to ensure their safety and happiness, but with the chaos of life, it’s understandable that many parents feel overwhelmed.
Your stress is contagious
One important aspect of stress that parents often overlook is that no matter how well you may hide it, your stress affects your children. You might not explicitly tell them, “I am so stressed,” but whether they are infants or teenagers, your kids can sense your anxiety. Even more alarming, when they observe your stress and feel its impact, it can actually alter their physiological state, making them stressed as well.
Scientific evidence shows that no amount of pretending can completely conceal stress from your children. One of the most crucial duties you have as a parent is ensuring that you don’t pass on your stress to them.
Reducing your stress as a parent is the most loving thing you can ever do for your child.
Every day I witness how parents go to great lengths to make their children happy, yet they frequently overlook the single most vital action that could profoundly enhance their children’s lives: finding ways to mitigate their own stress.
“Because we live in a high-stress and high-pressure world, parents need to realize that when you are stressed, your children’s neurobiology will also go into stress mode.”
I don’t expect parents to become experts in neurobiology. However, it’s essential to recognize that when you are stressed, your children’s brains naturally react by also entering stress mode. When they pick up on the tension reflected in your eyes, the tightness in your facial expressions, your strained body language, your anxious tone, and the harsh words you might inadvertently use, their chemistry shifts from healthy to unhealthy in an instant. This change affects their capacity for positive behavior, easy learning, and enjoying life.
A quick neurobiology lesson
Your stress triggers an alarm in your child’s brain, particularly in an area known as the amygdala. This sends a distress signal to the hypothalamus, which in turn notifies the pituitary gland that “mom or dad are stressed,” and this is uncomfortable. In response, stress hormones are released, prompting your child’s brain to shift into fight or flight mode. Consequently, you may see behaviors like anger or withdrawal. This child may then face diagnoses of defiance or depression, when in reality, they are simply reacting to the stress that surrounds them—stress that they have caught from you. The only way to stop this cycle is to learn how to be a less stressed parent.
What can parents do to lower their stress levels so that their children perceive them as calm, centered, and joyful?
Four steps to take today to become a stress-less family
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Acknowledge that your child is sensitive to your stress. Write down at least three things each of you can do to alleviate that stress. Discuss potential outcomes if you do not make these changes.
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Create a list of what causes stress for your child. Keep in mind that what seems trivial to you could be significantly affecting your child’s spirit, body, and mind.
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Collaborate on strategies to eliminate this stress from your child’s environment. If the source of stress is related to school, take on the role of your child’s advocate to work with the school on solutions. If the stress originates at home, you, as parents, will need to make lifestyle or relational adjustments to mitigate it. For irrational or imagined fears, consider seeking help from a skilled practitioner who can provide guidance.
- Evaluate your home environment. Is it a soothing space? Are the colors warm and calming? Is it organized yet inviting enough to provide safety and relaxation? Does it allow for ample natural light? If it’s lacking in these aspects, think about what changes can be made.
Small adjustments can lead to significant improvements in reducing stress. Remember, your child’s wellbeing—emotionally, physically, and mentally—depends on your willingness to take the necessary steps to relieve stress.
Editor’s Note: Dr. Sandy Gluckman is a learning and behavior specialist who works with parents of tweens and teens facing attention, behavior, or mood challenges. Her website is www.drsandygluckman.com.
