By Sheryl Lilly Pidgeon
“Selfhood begins with a walking away, and love is proved in the letting go.” – Cecil Day-Lewis
I’m officially an Empty Nester. There, I’ve said it. The Pidgeon kids have all taken flight and headed off to college — boom, boom, boom. Now I have a junior, a sophomore, and, as of last month, a freshman. For years, I’ve listened to friends who have navigated “the change,” and I’ve read countless articles from experts on this subject in magazines. But this experience is deeply personal. No amount of forethought could genuinely prepare me for firsthand experience, and I find myself pondering, “Where did the time go?”
Dropping my youngest off at college last month made the “emptiness” official. I am no longer the hands-on mom I’ve been for 21 years, engaging in daily parenting tasks like packing lunches, attending school events, and hosting dinners and sleepovers for a bunch of teenagers. While I’m adjusting to the physical distance, I am also thrilled for each of my children as they embark on their journeys, feeling immense pride in their courage and determination to face whatever lies ahead.
Each child experienced leaving the nest uniquely, true to their individual personalities. Knowing them as well as I do, their responses didn’t catch me off guard, but mine seemed to surprise them! Although I was filled with nostalgia and last-minute advice, I made a conscious effort not to shed any tears. (This is coming from someone who gets teary at a Maxwell House commercial.)
Why did I choose to say goodbye to my kids without tears?
1) I wanted them to feel that they were okay.
2) I wanted them to know that I would be okay.
If I were to break down emotionally, they might feel guilty for my sadness, which could hinder their ability to find happiness and independence.
Naturally, I am less informed about my children’s day-to-day lives — where they are and what they’re doing at any moment. However, I refuse to impart my anxieties onto them. I can’t just call or drop by whenever I please. I must give them the freedom to grow independent and reach out when they want to — not merely to please me. I want them to seek my advice out of respect, not obligation. I desire for them to explore their interests and discover their purpose in life.
So, indeed, I am navigating my new routine in this empty nest. I am striving to balance showing my kids how much they are missed while shielding them from my sadness. I don’t want to weigh them down with my concerns; I won’t clip their wings to prevent them from soaring too high or in directions different from what my husband and I had anticipated. It comforts me to know that I have prepared my children to soar freely.
LIVE. LEARN. LAUGH. REPEAT.
Sheryl Lilly Pidgeon
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