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By Deborah Walsh Dobbs, M.A. | Contributor
Warning: This isn’t your typical how-to article. It’s more of a challenge.
To de-clutter our calendars
We may find it beneficial to shift our perspective on time and what our calendars symbolize. A lot of our perceived busyness is self-imposed, often influenced by ego or fear. Improving our lives by integrating more leisure and reducing chaos will require a commitment to brutal honesty and introspection.
Consider the broader context:
Realize that you have more time than you realize
Sociologists examine various intriguing subjects, including how individuals manage their time. Sociologist John Robinson, often referred to as “Father Time,” argues that we feel busier than we really are and greatly underestimate our leisure hours. A simple change in perspective allows us to identify this phenomenon. Feeling occupied is a legitimate experience. However, when we analyze our situation, it becomes evident. Checking our smartphones or our work/school/church emails intermittently contributes to our feeling of busyness. Conversely, using that same smartphone while in the bathroom to shop, scroll, or catch up on the news constitutes leisure time, albeit not particularly meaningful. For further insights, check out Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time by Brigid Schulte.
Revise Your Calendar
What gets marked on your calendar not only reflects your current activities but also reveals your identity. Your calendar illustrates your values, and what you leave off might hold even greater significance than what you include.
Now, let’s get into the details:
Set Social Media Limits, Part 1:
Countless times, I’ve logged into Facebook in the morning to post a birthday greeting, only to find myself thirty minutes later reading several articles and watching a hilarious compilation of BatDad. While we often advise our kids to set technological boundaries, many adults fail to impose these limits on themselves. Allocate specific time for social media. If it’s important enough, schedule it on your calendar. If it isn’t, skip it entirely. When setting this time, use your smartphone to create a timer.
Set Social Media Limits, Part 2:
Limit yourself to just a couple of apps. For instance, if Facebook and Twitter are your go-tos, eliminate Pinterest and Instagram from your routine. If you absolutely need a work-related app, manage your time effectively. Choose two apps to focus on and let the others go. Stop allowing algorithms to dictate your attention.
Utilize Technology Positively:
Not all technology is harmful. For example, while helping my daughter with her homework—especially when explaining her math problems—we both grew stressed due to the time it took. I wanted to get her a tutor but dreaded the back-and-forth travel and sitting through her sessions. Instead, I found Varsity Tutors, allowing her to receive tutoring online in the comfort of our home. This enables me to work more peacefully, and her academic performance has improved significantly. Seek out apps and services that can save you time.
Tackle One Task at a Time:
The concept of multi-tasking is largely a myth. This realization prompted me to adopt new habits. As I wrote this article, I closed all applications, including my work email. I muted notifications on my phone and activated Do Not Disturb on my desk phone. I closed my door and informed colleagues not to disturb me unless there was an emergency. Take the necessary steps to concentrate on your current task or the conversation you’re having. Whatever demands your attention will still be there once you’re done.
Organize & Prepare: Meal Planning
Prepare your meals the night before. Review your child’s agenda and coordinate schedules together. Consider dedicating time each Sunday to organize your calendars as a team. (Double-dip on this one: prepare a weekly calendar while also engaging in quality parenting.) Also, anticipate surprises. Allow gaps between activities on your list to avoid running late.
Incorporate Social Connections into Your Schedule:
For instance, if you have a date night planned with your partner, put it on the calendar and allocate time to get ready, ensuring you are mentally prepared. Don’t show up late or in a rushed state for an evening together. Value this time just as you would a work meeting. The same principle applies to lunch with friends or self-care routines, which is beneficial to you and teaches your children positive habits.
Face Reality Regarding Extracurricular Activities:
Let’s discuss sports. If your son plays varsity soccer and is part of a select team, and your daughter does the same with softball, along with another daughter who loves tumbling and is on a competitive team, note that this often means weekends spent at gymnastics events while the other parent darts between games. The odds of your child securing an athletic scholarship are slim. The financial investments in these activities may not yield returns. Furthermore, many teens who received partial scholarships grew exhausted with their sport and didn’t continue in college. What they will truly miss, however, are family dinners and weekend trips, even if they appear to dislike these moments at the time.
Delegate Tasks:
This is frequently a matter of control. It’s hard to let go of the belief that no one can perform tasks as well as you can. But consider the question: Is someone else’s work “good enough”? If my child makes her own lunch, it might look messy. She may trim the sandwich crusts, and come lunchtime, her mayo-laden hands might become sticky and smudge her clothes. So what?! Her way of doing things is sufficient.
Put everything truly important on your calendar. Schedule those fleeting moments spent scrolling through your favorite online shopping sites. Cultivate self-discipline starting with limits on social media (and document these on your calendar). Your calendar may appear busier, but it won’t be cluttered. Delegate whenever you can—not when perfection is achievable; when it is feasible. By reflecting on your daily life, you’re bound to uncover more meaning and discover additional opportunities for leisure and love.
Editor’s Note: Deborah Dobbs, M.A. is a sociologist with 21 years’ experience at The Counseling Place, a non-profit organization dedicated to enhancing emotional well-being in individuals of all ages. You can reach her at 469.283.0242.
