By T.J. Griffin and Kelly Jameson, Ph.D., LPC-S | Contributors, Grant Halliburton Foundation
The holiday season is often deemed wonderful, yet it also brings considerable stress. The joy and comfort that should characterize this time can easily become overshadowed by the season’s demands. Is it possible to ease this burden?
To explore the stressors of the holidays, we conducted a survey and then consulted Dallas therapist Dr. Kelly Jameson for expert insights on how to meet our high expectations during this festive period.
Q: In our survey, most respondents identified “obligations” and “expectations” as their primary sources of holiday stress. Why do you believe this is such a significant issue?
A: The holidays symbolize a period of joy, togetherness, and connection—elements that are often scarce in our lives. We yearn for this connectedness, leading us to overextend ourselves. Throughout the year, we struggle to schedule quality family time that generates joy, so we feel compelled to fit as much happiness as we can into the short span between Thanksgiving and Christmas. This quest for concentrated joy results in what I term the 4Fs: Festive Family Fun Fatigue.
Q: What strategies can we employ to lessen the stress associated with holiday obligations and expectations?
A: There are two approaches to consider: one internal and the other external.
Internally, focus on practicing gratitude. Each morning, remind yourself that the holidays are meant to be joyful and be thankful for the individuals in your life during this time. Remember, it is more about the people than the aesthetics of the table setting, the uniqueness of gifts, or the quality of the meals.
Avoid succumbing to the holiday hype. Contributing to the frenzy can lead to overwhelming pressure. If you choose to reject that stress, your experience will change significantly. Ultimately, your mindset can create a self-fulfilling prophecy; whether you anticipate stress or tranquility, you will likely be correct.
Externally, assert your preferences! If you’re hosting or traveling, communicate early with your family that you are opting for a more “old-fashioned holiday,” a “simple season,” or a “classic Christmas” this year to indicate that less can be more.
It’s essential to put in the effort! People often desire the desired outcomes without wanting to do the necessary work. Checking your calendar and getting organized in a way that suits you and your family is crucial. A quick online search for “holiday planning” can help organize your tasks and prompt you to consider items you may have overlooked.
While many complain about holiday stress, how many take the time to prepare in advance?
Q: Shopping and gift-giving rank high on the list of holiday stressors. How can we alleviate the pressure associated with these activities?
A: Yes, there are ways, although you may not appreciate the solutions. For larger families, consider drawing names, limiting gifts to children, creating a theme for gift-giving (like books or movies), or setting a spending limit. You might already be thinking of reasons why these suggestions won’t work for your family, and that’s precisely my point. Solutions for less stressful holidays exist, but many are reluctant to embrace a less-is-more mindset.
Give yourself permission to let go of the notion that “I must reciprocate because they gave me a gift.” This way of thinking can lead to an endless cycle of expectations. Acknowledge the gift with a simple “thank you” and carry on with your day.
Q: Family drama often seems inevitable during the holidays, frequently surfacing at the most inappropriate times. How can we prevent or minimize such turmoil?
A: Ah, that’s a tough question! If I had the perfect solution, I’d be quite successful! In reality, while your family might not completely escape holiday drama, you can choose not to exacerbate it.
In my practice with teenagers, we often discuss managing drama. I advise them to avoid engaging and simply smile, nod, and continue on their way. This approach applies equally to family members who criticize your choices or put others on the spot. Use deflection techniques like humor, changing the subject, or simply responding in a neutral manner.
Additionally, consider having a discussion with your partner before gatherings. You might say, “You know my family can be challenging for me. I need your support this weekend. I don’t want to argue with you, but I might get frustrated, so let’s commit to giving each other some space.” This conversation can significantly strengthen your partnership and help establish mutual support.
Q: Emotions of grief and sadness can intensify during the holidays. How can someone honor their loss while still embracing joy and comfort during this festive season?
A: As you plan for the holidays, allocate time to remember loved ones who are no longer around. You could designate a day filled with activities they would have enjoyed as a way to honor their memory.
If your grief feels overwhelming, consider a quiet activity at home that allows space for reflection. Look through photos or videos, reread old cards, or handle items that belonged to them. Take the necessary time to process your emotions regarding this loss. Ignoring or pushing aside these feelings can magnify their intensity. Allowing yourself time to grieve and cherish your memories will foster healing and connection.
Editor’s Note: The Grant Halliburton Foundation is dedicated to enhancing mental health resources for children, teens, and young adults, improving mental wellness, and preventing suicide. For more information, visit GrantHalliburton.org.
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