By Deborah Dobbs, Beka Mullins and Carrie Leafblad | Contributors
Experiencing significant life events means we are actively engaging in life rather than merely observing it. Whether positive or negative, these major events often bring about stress. Our bodies react similarly to substantial positive changes, such as marriage or the birth of a child, as they do to negative changes like divorce or job loss. Our emotional intelligence and coping mechanisms can either facilitate or obstruct our ability to identify stress symptoms.
Age can influence how smoothly we adjust to life transitions. While younger individuals might find it more challenging, everyone tends to rely on their chosen coping strategies, which aren’t always the healthiest. Each school year presents new challenges that require adjustments, whether your child is entering kindergarten or your teenager is heading off to college. This section outlines common stress indicators as well as strategies for supporting your children in navigating these transitions.
Advice for Elementary Students
Resilience, optimism, faith, previous experiences, and overall mental well-being play a role in how we handle changes in life. Equipping children with tools to cope with emotional upheavals fosters greater success during transitional moments. Emotional intelligence is cultivated through both observation and practice; thus, providing children with an environment that encourages this development is crucial. When it comes to change, it’s important for children to have opportunities to discuss their expectations and the potential outcomes of transitions. They require time to process the idea of change before they can truly accept it. Children with a negative or fearful outlook often struggle more than their more easygoing peers. Understanding your child is key, particularly in allowing the child with a negative perspective the extra time they need to adjust.
Red Flags
Warning signs for young children can vary significantly, making them challenging to detect. Often, young kids lack the vocabulary to communicate their needs and feelings, making it difficult for adults to grasp what they’re experiencing. It’s essential as parents to aid children in developing emotional vocabulary. If a child cannot express themselves verbally, their frustration may manifest physically. Common reactions include withdrawal, bedwetting, disruptive behavior at school, or even aggressive outbursts.
Tips
• Create a space where children can unwind and express themselves in a manner that feels natural to them. They often utilize play and art to convey their emotions or simply to decompress. Giving them this opportunity is vital, as children are more likely to share their feelings once they have had a chance to relax.
• Allow your children the time and space necessary to adapt to and accept the changes happening in their lives.
• Engage with your children, providing them with opportunities to voice their fears, anxieties, and concerns. It’s crucial to listen intently rather than dismiss their worries, ensuring they feel secure throughout the adjustment process.
• Maintain a positive outlook, be truthful, and help your children understand that change is part of life and not something to fear.
Advice for Middle School Students
Middle school represents a whirlwind of changes—shifting schedules, evolving social circles, and different expectations. Tweens are also undergoing hormonal transitions, but even more importantly, their brains are still maturing. This stage involves decision-making, yet the area of the brain responsible for these processes is still developing; it’s similar to trying to run a marathon with a sprained ankle.
Red Flags
The signs of stress in tweens can often look like typical adolescent behaviors, making it tough to discern whether a child is experiencing normal challenges or if they are feeling overwhelmed. Trust your instincts and keep an eye out for significant behavior changes. A stressed middle schooler might become more withdrawn from social interactions, lose interest in their hobbies, or resort to lying to avoid confronting stressful situations. They may also exhibit physical symptoms of stress, like stomachache or headaches, or display sudden emotional outbursts.
Tips
• Practice active listening. Pre-teens often begin seeking advice and support from their peers. Use this time to engage in meaningful conversations, focusing more on listening than speaking. Children at this age can often process their own issues, so refrain from stepping in as a “fixer.”
• Ensure consistency in their lives. With so much change happening, having a stable home environment can be reassuring. Aim for shared family meals a couple of times a week. Despite their protestation, establishing this routine can create a sense of security amid a chaotic school experience.
• Set boundaries around technology use. If your tween takes their phone to school, consider using parental control apps to limit its usage during class time. Schools typically provide the necessary technology for students to complete their work. You might even create a tech usage agreement with your child that outlines clear guidelines and consequences.
• Normalize rather than minimize. If your pre-teen opens up about their struggles, reassure them that what they are experiencing is typical. Resist the temptation to compare your adolescence to theirs; while some challenges transcend generations, your child’s experiences are unique. Avoid shutting down the conversation by implying you understand their feelings completely.
Advice for High School Students
High school is both a thrilling and stressful period as students navigate the transition into adulthood, while still being regarded as kids in many circles. They often find themselves making pivotal life decisions, such as defining their identity, choosing career paths, and navigating dating dynamics. Coupled with academic pressures and extracurricular commitments, it is no surprise that many students find this time overwhelming.
Red Flags
Signs of stress in teenagers can vary considerably depending on individual personalities. While some may withdraw, others might immerse themselves in their responsibilities, leaving little room for leisure. Be aware of significant shifts in eating habits, sleep patterns, friend groups, or overall demeanor. Just like adults, stressed teens may display irritability or negativity. Additionally, academic performance might decline as they struggle to concentrate while in survival mode. Rely on your knowledge of your child to discern their unique stress signals. Keeping communication lines open is crucial, and regularly check in even if the response is often “I’m fine.”
Tips
• Prioritize family time. While it can be challenging, especially with multiple teens at home, maintaining regular family interactions fosters a sense of safety and belonging—essential anchors in the tumultuous realm of teenage relationships.
• Provide reassurance. It’s important for your teens to know they have a solid support system as they navigate their growth. Communicate your confidence in them and be available if they need assistance. Try to resist the impulse to solve their problems or judge their actions, even if you’re feeling anxious.
• Encourage healthy eating and sleep habits. Sufficient sleep and nutritious food are critical for managing stress, yet many teens often neglect both.
• Teach your teen to disconnect from technology. Discuss the pros and cons associated with digital devices and work together to establish healthy boundaries. Be a role model by practicing what you preach.
Advice for College Students
At this stage, your “children” are now legal adults, making direct intervention more complex. You can’t directly communicate concerns to professors or schedule appointments with health professionals for them. Ideally, your son or daughter should have developed skills to handle this transition effectively. Nonetheless, the new independence and accompanying responsibilities can be quite daunting.
Red Flags
As children grow older, the indicators of stress can become subtler, especially if they no longer reside with you. Pay attention to drastic behaviors—young adults may avoid stressors through partying or non-academic activities, isolate themselves, or become overly focused on academic or athletic performances. Look out for signs of negativity or sudden positivity in their interactions. They might display symptoms of depression, such as altered sleep patterns, a loss of interest in once-enjoyed activities, and low energy levels. Students experiencing depression might skip classes and express feelings of hopelessness.
Tips
• Assist your young adult in identifying available resources. Every college campus usually offers academic and mental health services. While you can’t request these services on their behalf as they are now adults, encouraging them to access available support is valuable.
• Normalize their experience. Explain that entering a new phase of adulthood can be confusing and that struggles are expected, reminding them that a failing grade does not define their future.
• Get to know their roommates or close friends. These individuals are often the first to notice if something is amiss. While it’s important not to intrude on their social lives, a brief introduction can pave the way for them to seek you out if necessary.
• Be proactive. Striking a balance between support and independence can be challenging. Should your child’s stress levels become unmanageable and affect their academic performance, stepping in more assertively might be necessary until they regain their footing. Otherwise, allow them to cultivate the resilience they need for success while offering your encouragement from a distance.
Editor’s Note: The Counseling Place is a nonprofit organization that provides affordable professional and educational services, including counseling. Contact Executive Director Deborah Dobbs at 469.283.0242 or visit counselingplace.org for more information.
