How to Make the Teenage Years a Time of Joy
By Dr. Sandy Gluckman | Contributor
Ah, teenagers! How delightful it is to see your son or daughter growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday they were little kids. Just when your heart is filled with pride, your teen starts to complain about something they don’t like, rolls their eyes at your comments, demands more than what you provide, or only lends a hand when they want something in return. Sound familiar? Friends with teenage kids often echo similar experiences, leading to discussions filled with sighs about “teenage years” and “hormones acting up,” which many view as just a phase to endure.
First, let’s clear one misconception: the idea of “raging hormones” is largely exaggerated. While hormone levels do rise during adolescence, it is not the hormones that cause these challenges, but rather significant developmental changes occurring in the brain.
Next, I urge parents to view this not merely as a stage to get through but as an exciting opportunity. This is a time for both teenagers and parents to explore and deepen their understanding of themselves, discover their unique identities and beliefs, and appreciate each other’s differing viewpoints.
Let’s be honest: your teenager’s brain is undergoing an intricate and valuable remodeling process. That’s something to celebrate. You have choices during this transformation. You can choose conflict, frustration, or anger. Alternatively, you can respond in ways that make it acceptable for your teen to engage in what they are meant to do: exploring their identity, experiencing creativity, testing limits, and questioning the status quo. Dr. Daniel Siegel, a leading expert on the teenage brain, describes these years as a powerful phase fostering courage, purpose, and creativity.
The way you handle these years is vitally important
You need to recognize that your reactions to your teens during this time will play a significant role in how they navigate their adolescence, influencing the adults they will eventually become. Your primary responsibility is to create an environment that encourages the development of character traits that will enable your teens to lead adventurous and purposeful lives. That’s a considerable responsibility, isn’t it?
It’s easy for frustrated parents to focus solely on their teenagers’ flaws and negative behavior. However, if you continuously highlight these negative traits, it affects how your teen views themselves, leading to feelings of inadequacy, which in turn causes more negative behavior, leading to a cycle of poor self-esteem.
This negative cycle yields no positive results. It can lead to emotional chaos for you and hinder your teen from reaching their true potential. One of the greatest gifts you can offer your adolescent is fostering a positive self-image along with constructive beliefs about themselves, life, and others.
How to thrive instead of survive the teenage years
To truly thrive during this stage rather than merely survive, parents can adopt various strategies to assist their teens in navigating this complex journey, transforming it into a more exciting and meaningful period for everyone involved. This isn’t to say that implementation will be easy. It will undoubtedly be challenging, as teenagers tend to push their parents away, and their behavior can often be confusing, irritating, or hurtful. However, this phase is crucial for both their growth and yours, and it is worth the effort to navigate it positively.
Essentially, parents need to learn to respond in ways that will support and enhance their teens’ brain development during this incredible time of growth.
There are several techniques available to parents; one of the most pivotal is the practice of gratitude.
The neuroscience of gratitude
Extensive research indicates that experiencing genuine gratitude can boost happiness, optimism, compassion, self-esteem, and overall health, while reducing envy, entitlement, self-centeredness, and materialism.
Think about it: many of us go through our days overlooking positive events, while negative experiences easily capture our attention. Research demonstrates that our brains are naturally inclined to focus on negative elements far more than positive ones. The encouraging news is that we can effectively reshape our brains and improve our nervous systems by consistently practicing gratitude.
Teaching gratitude is one of the most potent gifts you can bestow upon your teenagers as they prepare for the world.
Show them how to incorporate gratitude into daily life:
– Teach your children to actively seek out the positive occurrences happening all day long.
– Help them genuinely feel grateful for these positive experiences.
– Encourage them to vocalize their feelings of gratitude.
– Establish a family tradition where, during dinner or before bed, each member shares at least three things they are grateful for from that day.
Here’s the kicker
You cannot teach your children to embrace gratitude unless they observe you doing so. Be warned: it can become a lifelong habit!
For more information about Dr. Sandy Gluckman and her live and online workshops, see www.parentstakecharge.com.
