The Summer “Time” Challenge for Divorced Parents
by Alicia Wanek
Many parents find that by mid-spring, their entire summer schedule is already set. The process of securing camp dates begins well before spring break, prompting parents to coordinate early to ensure their children can participate in camps with friends, as well as summer sports and SAT preparation.
This is particularly crucial for divorced parents, who, according to the Texas Family Law Code, are required to submit their requests for designated “possession” dates in April. During this time, the non-custodial parent specifies the 30 days in summer when the children will visit them, while the custodial parent receives one weekend during this period. Jim Mueller, managing partner at Verner Brumley Mueller Parker, advises divorced parents to prioritize their children while collaborating on summer plans. As children age, coordination becomes even more challenging, with tweens and teenagers having more activities and a more active social life.
Jim has frequently witnessed situations where parents use summer camp to limit the time children spend with an ex-spouse by scheduling camp sessions that coincide with the other parent’s designated dates, often resulting in court intervention to settle the matter. Ideally, this should be avoided. He suggests that the best approach is to include specific details about camps in the divorce agreement, including naming the camp and sharing the cost each summer. “If possible, it’s best to genuinely prioritize your children’s needs above your own and your ex’s because they are the ones who will be most affected,” Jim advises. He reminds parents that sometimes this means “not everyone gets everything they want.”
Licensed professional counselor Gaby Satarino concurs. “The positive aspect is that divorced parents can demonstrate healthy relationship models for their children.” She recognizes that unresolved feelings toward an ex-spouse may linger and foster resentment; however, “Children of all ages need to see their parents maintaining a respectful relationship.” Parents can aid the transition between households by emotionally preparing their children. (Refer to our top 10 list for some suggestions.)
Rabindranath Tagore, a former Nobel Prize winner, once said, “Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.” This is something parents should consider as they collaborate with their ex on summer vacation planning for their kids.
Top 10 Strategies to Help Your Child Emotionally Prepare for Their Summer Visit with the Non-Custodial Parent
by Gaby Satarino
1.) Show genuine enthusiasm about the time they will spend with the other parent.
2.) Allow your child to foster and maintain relationships with people in your ex’s life.
3.) Communicate with your ex to keep as many routines and rules for the child consistent as possible.
4.) Be flexible; for example, if your teen forgets to call because they are having a good time.
5.) Empower yourself; avoid saying anything that could make your child feel guilty about “leaving you.”
6.) Keep communication lines open with your tween/teen during their visit without prying too much for details.
7.) Give your child a sense of autonomy by allowing them to make choices within certain boundaries.
8.) Encourage your child to share their feelings openly, without fear of judgment.
9.) Solicit their input and assist them in processing any emotions regarding the transition, if necessary.
10.) Normalize feelings of missing one another during this time.
