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By Grace Gillaspie Gray | Contributor
Do you recall your first crush? I certainly do. His name was Bryan. He was a well-known skater with a wide circle of friends, while I was navigating a significant identity crisis, trying to find my place. We “dated” for a brief two weeks (though we didn’t actually go anywhere) before we shared a swift half-second kiss by my locker en route to lunch in eighth grade. Our friends erupted in giggles when we entered the cafeteria afterwards, as the kiss had been meticulously orchestrated by at least six other people. That evening, Bryan broke up with me over instant messenger, opting to pursue Margaret instead.
Fortunately, I have gained valuable insights into relationships since those middle school days, though it was a journey filled with ups and downs to discover what a healthy relationship truly entails.
Essential Elements of Building a Healthy Relationship
There are several key components to fostering a healthy relationship. Firstly, parents should exemplify and teach their teens how to love and safeguard themselves, emphasizing that this should be their primary focus. Adolescence is a critical time for self-discovery, so it’s unrealistic to expect teens to have everything figured out. Regardless of your own relationship status—whether divorced, single, dating, remarried, or happily partnered—it’s essential for your teen to witness your interactions with others.
Secondly, it’s important to be transparent about your own relationships. Don’t shy away from showing that conflicts occur. Allow your teens to observe how disagreements unfold and what it looks like to resolve an argument. They should see compromise in action and witness you take responsibility when necessary, including apologizing. And, of course, let them see the reconciliation process, demonstrating that the relationship holds more weight than the dispute.
Thirdly, if your teenager expresses the desire to date, it’s acceptable to share your thoughts, but remember not to expect complete agreement. Despite sharing your DNA or having lived together for most of their lives, they are still individuals who will make their own choices. Prioritize their safety above all else—this is non-negotiable. Encourage them to reach out for help, and ensure they feel unashamed when they do. Reinforce the values of self-love and self-protection. Always keep in mind that no parent is flawless, and your dedication to your teen’s well-being is what truly matters.
Encouraging self-reflection through questions rather than imposing direct advice can also aid teens in understanding how to nurture and protect themselves. Here are some examples of helpful questions:
- “Do I feel safe in this situation?”
- “Is this hurting my feelings or my body?”
- “Are my choices being respected?”
- “Is my voice being heard?”
- “Is there a chance I may regret this later?”
- “Would I feel guilty or ashamed if my friends or family found out about this?”
- “What is my gut telling me?”
- “Are my partner and I equally sharing decision-making responsibilities?”
Maintaining open communication lines with your teen is crucial, whether it be through modeling or engaging in direct discussions. Aim to inquire about their personal experiences before dispensing your advice, and prioritize listening over speaking. By fostering intentional communication, you convey unwavering support, reassuring them that your love is unconditional.
Need additional support? Girls to Women and Young Men’s Health & Wellness can assist you in initiating conversations or explore the resources listed below.
Editor’s Note: Grace Gillaspie Gray is a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner at Girls to Women/Young Men’s Health and Wellness located in Dallas, Fort Worth, and McKinney (opening February 2020), Texas. For more information, visit their website at www.gtw-health.com or call 972-733-6565.
Resources:
Turning Point-Rape Crisis Hotline and Center 800.886.7243
Texas Teen Runaway Hotline 888.580.HELP
National Dating Abuse Help Line 800.331.9474
The Trevor Lifeline-Hotline for LGBTQ Teen 866.488.7386
The Family Place-Domestic Violence Hotline 214.941.1991
