Insights from Nationally Syndicated Radio Host and Best-selling Author Dennis Prager on ‘Who is Happy’?
by Dennis Prager | Contributor
After 25 years of lecturing on happiness, writing a book on the subject (Happiness Is a Serious Problem), and dedicating an hour of my radio show every week for the last 13 years to the topic, I have reached some conclusions about who tends to be happy.
Self-Discipline Matters
Happiness relies heavily on self-control. We often become our own biggest barriers to happiness. It is far simpler to confront external challenges than to address our personal shortcomings.
The Value of Earning
Individuals who receive little and earn what they possess are generally happier. This explains why lottery winners often find little increase in happiness compared to those who have earned their wealth; many are even less content after winning. Likewise, those accustomed to receiving unmerited benefits (like government assistance) tend to be less happy than those who have worked hard for their resources. Typically, an entrepreneur who endures long hours and challenges for success feels more fulfilled than someone who inherits wealth.
Rejecting the Victim Mentality
Almost everyone could accurately see themselves as a victim—in the context of an unloving childhood, bullying, an unhappy marriage, financial woes, belonging to a marginalized group, health issues, and more. However, seeing oneself primarily as a victim often leads to misery. If the main takeaway from years of therapy is that you are a victim, then you have unfortunately fallen prey to ineffective therapy.
Avoiding Complaints
Complaining detracts from both the complainant’s and others’ happiness. The more we grumble, the more our dissatisfaction grows. If you want to raise children who become happy adults, teach them to refrain from whining.
The Importance of Close Friendships
Close friendships not only enhance longevity but also contribute substantially to daily happiness—often more than even children do. As children grow, they can frequently cause parents more stress than joy. Hence, parents who rely on their kids for happiness often end up making both themselves and their children miserable.
The Role of a Good Marriage
A strong marriage—having a genuine partner in life—can significantly enhance happiness, nearly to the point of being sufficient.
Acting Happy
One fundamental principle in life is that actions influence emotions more than feelings drive actions. When we act in a loving and happy manner, we begin to feel those ways. Therefore, if you act happy, you’re likely to feel happier than if you don’t.
Freeing Yourself from Envy
Regardless of one’s possessions, envy can destroy happiness. It’s common to envy those who possess more wealth, nicer homes, or seemingly better lives. However, we are rarely aware of the struggles those we envy may face. As a wise woman once said, “The only happy people I know are those I don’t know well.” Next time you feel envious, remember: you are unaware of the inner demons and challenges that others experience.
The Pitfalls of High Self-Esteem
While low self-esteem does not contribute positively to happiness and a degree of self-esteem can help, excessive self-esteem can lead to unhappiness. People with high self-esteem often struggle to maintain close friendships, as they may feel no one is good enough for them. Furthermore, they tend to repel genuine friends while attracting sycophants. Striving for self-respect, rather than self-esteem, should be the goal.
Managing Expectations
The greater our expectations, the less joy we are likely to experience, as high expectations lessen our gratitude for what we have. Ingratitude often lies at the heart of unhappiness.
The Power of Gratitude
Gratitude serves as a foundation for happiness.
“If the primary conclusion you have reached after years of therapy is that you are a victim, you really are a victim—of lousy therapy.”
– Dennis Prager is a nationally syndicated radio-talk-show host and columnist. He can be contacted through his website, www.dennisprager.com.
