Guiding Principles for a Fulfilling Marriage
by Jeff Anderson | Contributor
You may have encountered various heartwarming phrases on social media or in stores like Hobby Lobby that promote the idea of a wonderful marriage. Quotes like “Acceptance is the Key to Happiness,” “Today is the Only Day You’ve Got, So Make it Count,” and “Always Believe That Something Wonderful is About to Happen” resonate with many.
While these sentiments hold value and may be true in different contexts, the essential mindset for achieving true marital happiness remains elusive. Each couple is unique and experiences different situations, making a single solution unattainable.
Fundamental Mindsets for a Happy Marriage
• Communicate daily.
• Make it a point to say “I love you” every day.
• View your spouse as your closest friend; share joy, laughter, and support.
• Ensure your partner knows they can count on you, no matter what.
• Remember that marriage is about “ours,” leaving behind “mine” and “yours.”
• Only discuss divorce if it is genuinely desired. Using it as a threat does not resolve issues and may lead to separation.
• Couples who truly love each other refrain from degrading, cursing, or criticizing one another; harsh words can lead to deep-seated resentment.
• Avoid actions in your spouse’s absence that you wouldn’t do in their presence.
• Practice honesty with kindness.
• Secrets can erode relationships; the only secrets that strengthen a marriage are those shared together.
• When possible, answer your spouse’s calls. Even amidst busyness, make time to connect.
• Your children observe how you treat your spouse; treat them in a way that sets a positive example.
• Don’t hesitate to express what annoys you to your spouse.
• Discuss your desires and needs in the bedroom openly.
• Share your dreams with your spouse so that they can support you in achieving them.
• Show respect toward your spouse publicly and hold that respect even when they are not around.
• Surround yourself with friends who honor your marriage. Friends who encourage disrespect toward your spouse may not have your best interests at heart.
• Take responsibility for your mistakes; admit them, apologize sincerely, and seek forgiveness without making excuses.
• Accept apologies graciously. Forgiveness is a healing process that we all need.
• Continue dating your spouse throughout your relationship.
• Hold hands with your spouse regularly.
• Disconnect from technology; put away your cell phones.
• Recognize that your marriage is a destination, while work is merely a means to sustain it.
• Each day, reaffirm your choice, saying “I choose you,” and demonstrate that through your actions.
Editor’s Note: Jeff Anderson is a family law attorney, a husband, and a father to two teenagers. His biography can be found on page 9. To reach Jeff, email him at jeff@ondafamilylaw.com or call 972.248.8383. Visit ondafamilylaw.com for more information.
