How to Make the Teenage Years a Time of Joy
By Dr. Sandy Gluckman | Contributor
Ah, teenagers! It’s truly a delight to watch your adolescent son or daughter grow up. It seems like just yesterday they were little ones, and now here they are, almost adults. Just when your heart swells with pride and affection, your teenager starts to voice complaints, rolls their eyes at what you say, acts entitled to your support, or only shows kindness when they want something while refusing to help out around the house. Sound familiar? Your friends with teenage children share similar experiences, often saying “they’re just teenagers,” “hormones are in flux,” or “it’s just a phase we’ll all get through.”
First, let’s clear up a misconception: the idea of “raging hormones” is simply not accurate. Yes, hormones do increase during these years, but the real source of challenges lies in the significant developmental changes occurring in the brain.
Secondly, I urge parents to step away from viewing the teenage years as a challenging phase to just endure. Instead, consider this an exciting time for both teens and parents to explore and affirm their identities and purposes, appreciating one another’s unique perspectives and ideas.
The reality is your teen’s brain is undergoing a vigorous and healthy remodeling process. This is something to appreciate! You have options during this transformation. You could argue and threaten, allowing irritability and disappointment to take over, or you could learn to respond in ways that encourage your adolescent to embark on the journey of discovering their unique identity and purpose, each experience fueling creativity and questioning norms. Dr. Daniel Siegel, an expert in teenage brain development, describes these years as “the most powerful life phase for activating courage, purpose, and creativity.”
The way you handle these years is vitally important
Be mindful that your reactions to your teenagers in these years will significantly influence how they navigate this tumultuous time, ultimately shaping the kind of adults they will become. Your role is to cultivate character traits that will empower them to lead adventurous and purposeful lives. That’s a hefty responsibility!
It’s easy for frustrated parents to focus solely on the negative behaviors of their teenagers. However, if you constantly point out these faults, it can shape how they view themselves, leading to low self-esteem and poor behavior, which only perpetuates the cycle of negativity.
This cycle is destructive. It puts you in an emotional tailspin and can prevent your teen from reaching their true potential. One of the greatest gifts you can offer your teenager is to help them build positive beliefs about themselves, life, and others.
How to thrive instead of survive the teenage years
Rather than merely surviving the teenage years, there are numerous strategies parents can adopt to assist their teenagers in navigating this complex phase—transforming it into a joyous, meaningful, and constructive period for everyone involved. Understandably, this isn’t an easy endeavor. It will require significant effort, as teenagers often push away their parents, and their behavior can be perplexing, frustrating, and sometimes painful. Nevertheless, this is a crucial time in both of your lives, making it worthwhile to master how to create a supportive environment.
Parents need to learn practical responses that will aid in strengthening their teenagers’ brains during this crucial period of growth and maturation.
There are many techniques parents can employ; one of the most impactful is the practice of gratitude.
The neuroscience of gratitude
Recent studies indicate that experiencing genuine gratitude boosts happiness, optimism, compassion, self-esteem, and even improves health and sleep. It also decreases feelings of envy, entitlement, self-centeredness, and materialism.
Consider that many of us navigate our days without acknowledging the positives, but we quickly internalize and vocalize our negative experiences. Research has shown that our brains, across the board, instinctively focus more on negative than positive experiences. The wonderful news is that we can literally rewire our brains and improve our well-being by regularly practicing gratitude.
Encouraging your teenagers to embrace gratitude as a lifestyle is among the most valuable tools you can provide.
Show them how to make gratitude a habit:
– Teach your children to actively look for the good things happening every moment of every day.
– Help them truly feel the emotions associated with their gratitude for those positive moments.
– Encourage them to vocalize out loud their feelings of gratitude.
– Start a tradition where, at dinner or bedtime, each family member shares at least three things they are grateful for from that day.
Here’s the kicker
You cannot teach your children to internalize gratitude as a way of life unless they see you practicing it yourself. Be warned: this habit can be contagious!
For more information about Dr. Sandy Gluckman and her live and online workshops, see www.parentstakecharge.com.
