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by Kristin Ciciarelli | Contributor
Have you ever experienced a complete emotional breakdown? You know, one of those cringe-worthy moments where you declare to yourself and everyone around you that, without a doubt, you “Just. Can’t. Take. It. Anymore.” But how did you find yourself at that emotional breaking point seemingly so quickly?
The surprising truth is that it didn’t happen overnight. Unless you possess an unusual emotional toughness akin to Tony Soprano, your long-awaited breakdown has been brewing for quite some time, and you’ve simply ignored the warning signs leading up to it. Let’s explore how the Much-Needed Meltdown unfolds:
Phase One – The Gut Reaction
Your body is the first to alert you when your life is off-kilter. Physiologically, your fight or flight response gets triggered almost instantly in the face of potential threats: you feel your palms sweat, your stomach turn, and heat rush to your face. These are unmistakable indications that something is wrong.
However, instead of facing a physical hazard—like being threatened by wild animals—you might be dealing with an emotional or psychological one. For instance, if a colleague frequently asks for favors and you agree to assist her, you might notice your jaw tighten as you say “yes.” It’s easy to rationalize your response; after all, you have your “Handy Dandy List of Excuses for Helping Others Instead of Yourself” tucked away in your desk drawer. Some entries from this list could include:
1) I should help others, right?
2) She has nobody else to turn to, so I should rescue her.
3) She helped me that one time four years ago, even if it was just part of her job.
4) I don’t want the team to think I’m lazy.
5) It probably won’t hurt me to help.
Helping others can indeed uplift our spirits; relationships, community service, and group activities are vital for our sense of belonging and well-being. However, these experiences should enhance your daily happiness, not erode your focus on your own needs. When you are feeling drained, you cannot assist others in a truly effective way, and doing things out of obligation that lead to resentment benefits no one—especially not you.
Phase Two – The Physical Pain
So, you dismissed your gut feelings. Your “Handy Dandy List” granted you permission to ignore your instincts. You forged ahead to solve someone else’s issue once again.
Now, you start to experience a more persistent issue: physical pain. This usually manifests subtly at first—you might develop a headache after finishing your colleague’s project, or a rash while regretting your involvement in a committee, or you might feel shoulder pain every time you carry your teenager’s overflowing laundry basket upstairs, despite reminding him repeatedly to handle it himself. Your body is clearly signaling that something needs to change…
“Unresolved emotions such as frustration and anger will undoubtedly manifest physically,” states Dallas psychotherapist Mary Sanger of Insights Collaborative Therapy Group. “There’s no way around this reality, even though I see people trying every day.”
Phase Three – The Kablooie!
Interestingly, many would prefer to reach that breaking point than take the proactive step of setting healthy boundaries. While a Much-Needed Meltdown might be the only dramatic act strong enough to capture your attention and that of others, it is often quite embarrassing and comes with its own ramifications.
“Meltdowns are sometimes unavoidable,” Sanger explains. “However, it’s crucial to remember the negative consequences they can have not just on ourselves but also on those around us. Regularly practicing boundary setting and self-care are essential for preventing meltdowns.”
How to Prevent The Meltdown
- Tune into your body’s signals.
- When a task, favor, or commitment causes physical discomfort, pause and reflect on why you’re doing it.
- If it’s not something you “must” do, communicate your limits and delegate responsibilities to others as needed.
- Prioritize self-care: regular physical activity, deep breathing, meditation, and listening to calming music are all vital techniques for staving off meltdowns.
For more information, contact Mary Sanger at Insights Collaborative Therapy Group, www.insightstherapy.com.
