Taking the High Road and Avoiding the Pitfalls in a Divorce
By Alicia Wanek
Divorce is often recognized as one of the top five most stressful life events. It definitely has a significant impact on your emotional well-being, financial status, and everyday existence. Paul Hewett and Paula Bennett from the law firm ONDA understand these challenges and suggest several strategies to help streamline the process.
Do Your Homework
“Investing in a family law attorney is crucial,” emphasizes Paula. Paul adds that it’s important to ensure the attorney is board-certified. Family law specialists are equipped with the knowledge necessary to navigate divorce cases and often have established ties with local courts and judges. After selecting a law firm, meet with the attorney to assess your compatibility. It’s essential to work with someone you trust.
Next, educate yourself about your family’s financial situation. Paul notes that one spouse may typically manage the finances, but it’s beneficial if you can bring a clear understanding of your community estate’s expenditures to your attorney. Consider questions like: What are your household expenses? What are the spouses’ salaries? How much do you pay for utilities? What investments do you hold? If you’re uncertain, Paula suggests working backwards by reviewing tax returns to understand your income and examining bank statements to trace fund allocations and determine significant purchases.
Lastly, think about consulting with a counselor. Acknowledge that this will be a challenging time, and seek the right support—doing so reflects strength, not weakness. In fact, courts often view individuals positively when they seek help and take responsibility.
Keep the Kids Out of It
Paul firmly believes that dragging children into your personal conflicts is detrimental to their well-being. He has witnessed parents exacerbating tensions by trying to turn their children against the other parent, which only aggravates issues and complicates the situation further. “They should not be involved in any legal disputes,” he advises.
Paula states, “Continue being the excellent parent you’ve always been.” It’s often wise to engage a child psychologist or counselor before discussing the divorce with your kids and to consult with them alone afterward. Parents should collaborate to create a proactive approach for addressing the inevitable questions that will arise. Paula believes it’s crucial to maintain a distinction between the marriage and the family unit. Children should be informed about changes affecting them, but they don’t need to be entangled in adult relationship matters. A professional can provide guidance on age-appropriate ways to communicate these issues, as what’s suitable for teens may not be for younger children.
The “Don’ts”
Throughout the years, these attorneys have encountered numerous mistakes that have jeopardized their clients’ cases in court. Many of the “don’ts” seem obvious but deserve reiteration:
– Don’t hide assets. Although it may seem like a way to protect your finances, if found guilty of defrauding your spouse, they may claim everything instead of just half.
– “Avoid making any unusual decisions without consulting your attorney,” Paul warns. Choices made during the divorce process can have significant repercussions. Your attorney can provide guidance on managing personal situations, whether that involves booking vacations, making substantial purchases, or even changing schools for your child.
– Be cautious with written communications, especially emails, as anything can be submitted in court.
– Don’t speak poorly of the other party, regardless of the truth, says Paula.
– Don’t engage in stalking. There are professionals for that, and no judge would endorse such behavior.
– Don’t disclose your confidential discussions with your attorney to your spouse. Transitioning from marriage to divorce entails evolving levels of shared confidences, but you have the right to attorney-client privilege, and it’s essential to trust that your attorney is prioritizing your best interests.
Have Hope
Remember, “People can not only survive but also thrive after divorce,” Paula assures her clients. Although the journey may seem daunting, both she and Paul have witnessed that by choosing the high road, individuals can emerge from divorce and find happiness on the other side.
Editor’s Note: Paula Bennett and Paul Hewett are partners at the family law boutique Orsinger, Nelson, Downing & Anderson, LLP (ONDA), providing compassionate support for clients navigating the complex legalities of divorce and related issues concerning children’s welfare.
