Beyond the Basics of Reproduction

By Alicia Wanek

At *Good Life Family*, we’re committed to being “The Go-To Source for Parents of Kids Tweens to Twenties.” Many of our writers are parents themselves, addressing topics they want to learn about. In this piece, we tackle the sensitive yet crucial topic of sex, emphasizing what parents should know to engage in conversations with their children. You might think discussing the birds and the bees is challenging enough, but it’s just the beginning; the risks and repercussions of sexual choices necessitate ongoing dialogue.

Research indicates a decline in the percentage of teens in the U.S. who are sexually active since the 1980s, according to a 2017 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Teen birth rates have decreased, with 80% of teens reporting contraceptive use during their first sexual encounter. Among teenage girls and women aged 15 to 19 who have been sexually active multiple times, 99% reported using some form of contraception beforehand. Other studies show increased condom usage and that younger generations are engaging in sexual activity with fewer partners than previous cohorts.

However, the CDC report also reveals that 42% of unmarried girls and women ages 15 to 19 have had sexual intercourse, as have 44% of young men. In a 2017 survey from the University of Washington involving 1,180 undergraduates, around 76.4% reported having had intercourse, with 64.3% of freshmen and 84.6% of seniors confirming the same.

No. 1 | Sexually Transmitted Diseases

The rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) have reached unprecedented levels. The CDC reported nearly 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis diagnosed in 2017. In 2015, over 1.5 million cases of chlamydia were reported, marking the highest STD rate recorded in the U.S., primarily affecting individuals aged 15 to 24. This demographic was responsible for half of all reported gonorrhea cases that year.

Some speculate that the current generation lacks the same fear of HIV/AIDS seen in previous generations, possibly due to advancements in medical treatment, leading them to overlook STD risks. Additionally, only 22 states require comprehensive sex education, including HIV awareness, while many only endorse abstinence, creating a gap in knowledge regarding potential dangers. *USA Today* has suggested that the rise in dating apps among young adults may correlate to the increase in syphilis cases. Oftentimes, teens may forgo protection based on assurances from partners regarding their sexual history, leading to unwelcome STD diagnoses.

The impacts can be serious; for instance, 50% of women with chlamydia may show no symptoms, potentially leading to severe complications like infertility before any diagnosis is made. OB/GYN Dr. Katrina Walsh has noted an uptick in oral-genital STDs as well, primarily contracted through oral sex. Conditions like gonorrhea and syphilis can also be transmitted this way.

To diminish the risk of contracting an STD, it’s advisable for teens to receive the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) vaccine. This vaccine has been shown to reduce the risk of pre-cervical cancer by 73%, although it does not cover all strains of the virus. A study of college freshmen vaccinated against HPV showed less than 1% had cervical cancer four years later. Dr. Walsh urges parents to consider getting their daughters vaccinated, stating, “Even if your teen chooses abstinence, I would want to protect her with a vaccine that prevents serious disease.”

While abstinence is the optimal preventive measure, using condoms, avoiding oral sex, and getting tested for STDs when sexually active are essential steps. Dr. Walsh emphasizes the importance of open discussions about STDs with children before they become sexually active, as they should hear about these risks from their parents if not from their schools.

No. 2 | Dating Violence

Domestic violence is not exclusive to marriage or long-term partnerships; it also manifests in teen relationships in various forms—physical, verbal/emotional, digital, sexual, or spiritual. The Genesis Women’s Shelter and Support in Dallas reports girls and women aged 16 to 24 experience intimate partner violence at nearly three times the national average. Studies indicate that one in ten high school students has been intentionally harmed by a dating partner, and one in three girls in the U.S. faces abuse from a dating relationship.

Jan Edgar Langbein, CEO of Genesis, states, “No one is immune. It’s an equal opportunity epidemic.” She asserts that domestic violence transcends race, socio-economic status, culture, and gender.

As parents, it is critical to educate children about healthy relationships and reinforce the notion that abuse is absolutely unacceptable. Some warning signs include a partner who has a volatile temper, monopolizes decision-making, exhibits extreme jealousy, or controls their social interactions.

Increasingly, abuse takes digital forms—such as a partner demanding access to their phone, or using digital messages as tools for emotional or verbal manipulation. Langbein remarks that “verbal and emotional abuse is extremely damaging,” emphasizing parents’ responsibility to stay informed about their children’s digital interactions.

The most important action is maintaining open communication with your child. Experts suggest approaching conversations with curiosity rather than judgment; asking “How?” and “Why?” can prevent teenagers from feeling shut down. Genesis provides talking points for conversations about dating violence, such as: “What would you want me to do if I observed red flags in your partner?” and “What characteristics would you like in a partner?” It’s essential to acknowledge that teens often confide in friends first; therefore, discussing how they can support an affected friend is key to navigating their own relationships.

No. 3 | Role of Faith in Sexual Choices

A conversation on sex must also encompass how one’s faith shapes their decisions. According to a 2013 Gallup poll, 56% of teens reported that religion significantly influences their lives. Abstinence is certainly the most effective way to guard against STDs or unintended pregnancies, and the CDC reports that one of the most common reasons teens cite for abstaining from sex is alignment with their religious or moral beliefs.

Among teens aged 15-19, the 57% of girls and 58% of boys who have never engaged in sexual intercourse largely attribute their decision to their moral or religious convictions.

Most religious teachings advocate for abstinence until marriage. Concurrently, psychologists recommend assisting teens in forming a positive self-image regarding their sexuality. Numerous faith organizations now offer sexuality education classes for young teens, featuring honest discussions around puberty, sexual terminology, contraception, and diseases within a faith-based framework. Author Kate Ott suggests that parents should lead the conversations on sexual education for their children. She asserts that comprehensive sexuality education should encompass not just factual information, but also address values and relationships, fortifying decision-making.

No. 4 | What Consent Really Means

Young men, especially those in college fraternities, are likely familiar with the viral video “Tea and Consent.” This video, created by British law enforcement, conveys the principles of sexual consent using a simple analogy involving a cup of tea. The video reiterates that while one can offer tea, it can be declined, emphasizing that consent in sexual encounters follows the same principles.

Ultimately, consent is crucial. Young Men’s Health at Boston’s Children’s Hospital clarifies that, “Sexual consent means there is a clear, mutual agreement for any sexual engagement.”

Sexual consent isn’t limited to intercourse; it encompasses all forms of physical intimacy, including kissing and cuddling. Here are key points regarding consent that you can share with your child:

– Consent can be empowering. Explicitly seeking consent fosters a healthy relationship and builds trust.
– Silence does not equal consent. Consent must be explicit and understood by everyone involved; it’s always important to check in and obtain clear agreement.
– One can withdraw consent at any moment. Each sexual interaction should feel right, and past consent does not obligate ongoing consent. Changing one’s mind is not only acceptable but essential.
– No one can provide consent under the influence of substances. A person who is incapacitated cannot validly consent, and passivity does not equate consent.
– Using force or coercion for sex is unacceptable. Real consent cannot be obtained through persuasion, and everyone deserves autonomy over their own bodies. Consent must be clear and freely given.
– A definitive “no” must be respected; “maybe” or “I don’t know” does not constitute consent.

No. 5 | Pornography and Sexualized Images: How are they impacting our kids?

With pornography being more accessible than ever, it’s crucial to monitor your children’s online activities; parental controls can help. However, controlling what peers expose your children to is almost impossible. Dr. Joanne Orlando of Western Sydney University warns that pornography can skew young people’s views on sex, desires, and relationships, creating damaging misconceptions—suggesting that consent and safe sex aren’t crucial, promoting violent sexual norms, devaluing loving relationships, and normalizing aggression against women.

Following the opening of a Hustler store in Dallas, former New Friends New Life CEO Kim Robinson noted a link between rising porn accessibility and increased teen and child trafficking. Many adult film actresses are victims of human trafficking coerced into sex acts. With 5.5 million children falling victim to human trafficking each year, often starting as early as 13, this is an issue that cannot be disregarded.

Even without direct exposure to porn, kids are inundated with hypersexualized imagery daily—from billboards to clothing marketed to young children, embedding sexualized messages into everyday life. Authors Caron C. Andrews and Amanda Grossman Scott state that sexualized content is ubiquitous, leaving parents with the responsibility to address it.

Dr. Dean Beckloff emphasizes that teens are constantly bombarded with sexual information, requiring guidance to navigate this digitally-pervasive landscape. Parents cannot afford to be oblivious; they must engage in open conversations about sex, seeking assistance from trusted educational institutions and organizations.

How can you navigate this sensitive discussion with your child? Here are some recommendations from Dr. Orlando:

– Prepare by organizing your thoughts before the discussion.
– Be open to listening to your child’s concerns or insights.
– Ask questions such as: “What are your thoughts on pornography?” “Have you seen it?” or “Do you have questions about what you’ve encountered?”
– If your child has been exposed to pornography, reassure them that curiosity about sex is normal and that they are not in trouble.
– Clarify that pornography is a business representation, detached from reality.
– Discuss the associated risks.

No. 6 | If Not You, Who?

While it’s ideal for your child to feel comfortable coming to you with any questions, there may be times when they hesitate to discuss certain matters or when you feel unprepared to have those conversations. Thus, it’s crucial for children to have access to other trustworthy sources to seek information or speak with adults they trust regarding sensitive topics.

If your child attends college, they can access various resources, including student health centers experienced in addressing sexual matters. Most campuses now provide free or low-cost counseling services as well. For younger teens, consider arranging a doctor’s appointment for them where they can inquire about their worries without you present. Organizations like Girls to Women Health and Wellness and Young Men’s Health and Wellness are dedicated to helping teens understand their sexual health and make informed choices throughout their lives.

Encourage your child to identify trusted adults, be it family friends, relatives, medical professionals, or school counselors. Relying on friends or the Internet for information can often lead to misinformation.

RESOURCES USED FOR THIS ARTICLE
(in order of appearance)
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
USA Today
University of Washington
Dr. Katrina Walsh, Plano, TX
Jan Edgar Langbein, CEO, Genesis Shelter, Dallas, TX
Kate Ott, author, Sex + Faith: Talking with Your Child from Birth to Adolescence
“Tea and Consent”
Young Men’s Health
Boston Children’s Hospital
Dr. Joanne Orlando, Western Sydney University
New Friends New Life, Dallas, TX
Caron C. Andrews and Amanda Grossman Scott, authors, 30 Days of Sex Talks; How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography
Dr. Dean Beckloff, Beckloff Pediatric Behavioral Center, Dallas, TX
Girls to Women Health and Wellness/Young Men’s Health and Wellness, Dallas, TX
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