Reflecting on Transition
By Barbara Glass
“I never expected this,” shares my friend Dorothy. “While I’m proud of my children’s achievements, I didn’t foresee the sadness that would come when they left home.” Recently, she moved her youngest child into a college apartment. The journey back from the university began joyfully with the windows down and music playing. Her mind was filled with thoughts of redecorating and work-related tasks. Yet, after a few peaceful days, she found herself staring listlessly at a dinner table set for one. Plans to occupy her newfound free time faded away, leaving her to take a nap instead.
Understanding the Emotional Shift
Dorothy was grappling with feelings of depression related to what many refer to as a “passage” or “transition” from a life focused on her children to a new chapter in her existence. Dr. Sandy Gluckman explains, “This isn’t merely a transition. It’s a parent whose identity has been so intertwined with the role of caregiving that she struggles to see herself as an individual apart from it. This situation signals an identity crisis.”
Common Experiences Among Parents
This experience isn’t uncommon, especially for mothers who had children at a young age, lack a distinct career or trade, and haven’t taken steps to establish an adult identity beyond parenting. Additionally, countless parents dive into their children’s activities, often neglecting their own interests. They become preoccupied with shuttling kids between practices, dance classes, and tutoring during their younger years, and later attending games, plays, and other significant events in their teenage lives. Everyday activities—like cycling, vacations, and household chores—combined with supportive roles such as laundry, cooking, and shopping, can consume a parent’s time, often at the cost of personal time.
Establishing Individual Interests
Dr. Sandy frequently advises young parents to cultivate personal interests early on. If they have hobbies such as exercising, painting, or sewing, she encourages them to carve out time to continue these pursuits as their children grow. Parents should maintain fulfilling lives independent of their children. Engaging in personal hobbies not only enriches their lives but also models the value of developing interests for their children. Through her extensive experience as a psychologist and counselor, Dr. Sandy has found that parents who integrate their personal passions into their everyday lives tend to enjoy greater happiness over time and handle life transitions more seamlessly.
The Impact of a Change in Role
Parents who lack vibrant lives outside of family responsibilities may face anxiety and depression when their caregiving role suddenly diminishes. Eventually, children become independent and no longer require a full-time parent. Instead of feeling sorrowful about their departure, it’s essential to recognize the accomplishment of raising confident, self-sufficient children. Dorothy successfully nurtured her kids to make wise decisions and thrive independently. Should she really be surprised by their accomplishments? Now they reach out to check in and share their lives with her. Although they don’t rely on her as a caregiver as before, they still seek her wisdom. This shift can be liberating.
Embracing New Beginnings
To Dorothy, Dr. Sandy would suggest, “Well done! Now, what would YOU like to pursue? Let’s focus on the positive aspects.” Neuroscience tells us, “You are what you think.” Emphasizing positive thoughts can actually alter brain chemistry by boosting serotonin levels. Serotonin, a neurotransmitter linked to overall well-being, suggests that it’s feasible to “rewire” your brain for a more optimistic outlook. Dr. Sandy refers to positive thinking as “Taking back your power.”
A New Chapter Awaits
As children grow up, they embark on their journeys, marry, and have families of their own, managing their own challenges while sharing fascinating stories upon return. Parents have the opportunity to rediscover their children as adults while re-exploring their identities. When kids leave home, it signals the start of a fresh adventure for parents to craft a meaningful life for themselves. This is the moment to set aside caregiving tasks and shift focus back to personal aspirations—hobbies, travel, new friendships, and leisurely reading. Now is the time to reconnect with the self that may have been overlooked and embrace a bright future.
Embrace your children and nurture yourself. It’s time to write your new story. What will be your first step?
Editor’s Note: Dr. Sandy Gluckman is a specialist in learning and behavior, assisting parents with children facing attention, behavior, or mood challenges in finding drug-free solutions. Reach her at 972.758.1246 or sandy@gluckmangroup.com. For more insights, visit:
www.drsandygluckman.com.
