By Dr. Dean Beckloff | Contributor
“Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do.”
–John Mayer
Years ago, John Mayer’s song “Daughters” captured our attention, reminding us that fathers play a significant role in their daughters’ lives—positively or negatively. This emphasizes the importance for fathers to cherish their daughters.
When my mother lost her father, she grieved intensely for a long time. His passing left a deep void in her life, as he was her hero, her inspiration, and the one whose respect she sought. The validation she received from him as a child influenced her life trajectory and helped her navigate through difficult times. The loss was profound—how do you cope with such a loss? Ultimately, she processed her grief and celebrated his life, enabling herself to move forward.
A father’s words of affirmation hold tremendous power in a child’s life. This type of encouragement instills strength and confidence in both boys and girls, serving as a guiding light in difficult times.
It’s believed that when daughters feel loved and appreciated by their fathers, they won’t seek that affection from elsewhere. Conversely, a strained or absent relationship with a father can lead daughters to look for validation in potentially harmful places. Fathers, remember to be loving and supportive to your daughters.
What about the relationship between fathers and sons? Absolutely, boys need their fathers just as much. A boy often observes his dad to learn how to navigate life, treat others, and ultimately become a man. The love and respect from a father can significantly shape a boy’s path as he enters adulthood and forms his own relationships. A father’s affirming words can cultivate deep confidence and emotional strength in a boy as he faces life’s challenges. Fathers, be attentive and nurturing to your sons.
My grandfather, my mother’s father, left behind a powerful legacy of encouragement. His spirit of affirmation influenced both my mother and me, inspiring me to share that same gift with my children and those I worked with as a teacher and counselor. The affirming words from a father can create a transformative legacy that impacts lives for generations. This legacy can spread beyond just the immediate family, affecting others along the way. Although fathers may sometimes feel unimportant, this is far from the truth. A father’s words of affirmation can instill hope in his children’s lives, crafting a legacy filled with either hope or resentment that lasts well beyond a father’s life.
So, what should we take from all this? Here are some key points to reflect on:
Do not hold back from expressing powerful words of encouragement and affirmation to your child, whether a boy or girl. These words can have a significant impact on your child’s future.
Avoid insincere praise. Ensure that affirmations are grounded in reality. True affirmation fosters strong character, while withholding support can lead to negative personality traits.
Remember to express love through physical affection. Hugs, squeezes, and pats on the back reassure children of their worth and belonging.
Words of affirmation can illuminate future paths. Discuss your child’s potential when giving affirmations. Simple statements like “I believe you could be an excellent pilot!” help children envision and strive for their future.
Keep in mind the song’s message: “daughters will love like you do.” When fathers show sincere love and affirmation towards their daughters, they empower them to love wholeheartedly. Likewise, when fathers support their sons, they raise men who love deeply and protect fiercely.
Finally, your emotional regulation sets a model for your children as they enter the world, for better or for worse. Share a love that helps them manage their emotions, sending them into their futures with hope rather than strife.
Fathers, treat your daughters and sons with care and support. You are integral to their upbringing and your influence is profound, affecting them throughout their lives.
Editor’s Note: For more information or assistance from a professional counselor, visit the Beckloff Behavioral Health Center at DrBeckloff.com.
ABOUT DR. DEAN BECKLOFF
Dean Beckloff, PhD, LPC-S is the founder of the Beckloff Behavioral Health Center and the host of the Dr. Dean Show https://www.drbeckloff.com/the-dr-dean-show
About The Beckloff Behavioral Health Center (BBHC): BBHC offers a range of counseling services for individuals and families in the Dallas, TX region, continually adapting to the evolving needs of their clients. Services include anxiety therapy, family therapy, divorce counseling, ADHD treatment, and more.
