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By Dr. Melanie Ross Mills | Contributor
Letting go can be one of the toughest experiences you may face as a parent. After investing so much love and effort into your child over the last 17 years, easing up can be a challenge. However, you can find comfort in knowing that you’ve instilled values of right and wrong in them. They are aware of your beliefs and what matters to you. It’s time for them to have the chance to make certain choices independently. (The emphasis here is on “certain” choices, not every choice.)
This process can be tough, especially knowing that your teen’s brain won’t fully mature until their mid-20s. You may witness them making unwise decisions and displaying immature behaviors. How can you let go? The secret to letting go is to do so progressively. As they demonstrate responsibility, you can grant them more freedoms. Conversely, if they make poor choices or act contrary to your family values, you can restrict some of their liberties. This cycle will likely continue.
As a parent of a teenager, you essentially have two options. You can either tighten your grip, which creates a false sense of control, or you can recognize that your teen needs space for personal growth and maturation. Understanding your teen’s developmental stage can not only help manage your emotions and responses but also enhance your relationship with your child.
**Tips for Assisting Teens in Their Independence**
1. Provide them with chances to both succeed and fail. This can include tasks like opening a bank account with their allowance or letting them face the consequences of forgetting their lunch.
2. Support their self-regulation through personal responsibility. Stay aware of their friend groups and activities. Monitor how they spend their time. They still require your guidance, but you don’t need to hover as you once did. They understand your family’s values and your expectations. Maintain clear boundaries while allowing them the freedom to make decisions.
3. Transition from being a trainer to an influencer. Shift from primarily instructing to coaching and encouraging. Engage in open discussions and dialogues to show that you value their perspective. Offer suggestions rather than demands. (Try to remain calm if their viewpoints surprise you. Your reaction will influence whether they continue to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts with you.)
4. Create a support network of fellow parents. Form a small group of trustworthy friends who comprehend the challenges of parenting teens. Wise, supportive friends make excellent allies. Avoid those who engage in comparison or competition.
5. Embrace the parenting transition. Accept the process of letting go. It’s common to feel responsible for molding your child into the person you envision, but the truth is that it’s their journey to become who they want to be. Ultimately, they must make choices that reflect their goals and desires.
6. Be deliberate in your efforts. Protect family dinners, traditions, and routines that hold significance for you. Make the most of one-on-one time with your teen. It’s crucial for them to feel valued within the family unit, as this provides them with stability and security as they begin to spread their wings.
7. Don’t forget to find joy in the process. While letting go can be intense and stressful, it can also be a time for fun, enjoyment, and creating lasting memories. Look for opportunities to inject humor into the situation. Remember to breathe and appreciate the light-hearted moments.
