By Dr. Sandy Gluckman | Contributor
You are an affectionate, considerate, and dedicated parent who cherishes your children. They are your entire world! You would go to great lengths to ensure their safety and happiness, but parenting can be incredibly hectic, and it’s understandable that many moms and dads experience stress.
Your stress is contagious
One important reality about stress that parents often overlook is that even if you feel like you’re managing well, your stress can still affect your children. You might not explicitly tell them, “I am so stressed,” but whether they are babies or teenagers, your children can sense your stress. And here’s the surprising part—when they perceive your stress, it can alter their own physical state, making them stressed as well.
Scientific evidence shows that no matter how adeptly we try to conceal our stress, we cannot hide it from our kids. One of your crucial roles as a parent is to ensure that you aren’t inadvertently passing your stress onto them.
Reducing your stress as a parent is the most loving thing you can ever do for your child.
Every day, I witness parents bending over backward to make their children happy, yet they often neglect to do the one thing that could significantly enhance their children’s lives: reducing their own stress.
Because we navigate a high-stress, high-pressure world, parents must recognize that when you’re under stress, your children’s neurobiology automatically shifts into stress mode too. When your kids pick up on the tension reflected in your expressions, your rigid body language, your anxious tone, and the harsh words you may unintentionally say, it can prompt a drastic change in their emotional state, leaving them less capable of behaving positively, learning effectively, and enjoying life.
A quick neurobiology lesson
Your stress activates an alarm in a part of your child’s brain called the amygdala, which triggers a message to the hypothalamus and signals the pituitary gland, alerting it that “mom or dad are stressed”—a sensation that feels uncomfortable. To cope with this alarm, stress hormones are released, causing the child’s brain to enter fight or flight mode. Consequently, you may observe your child exhibiting various angry or withdrawn behaviors. This child then risks being misdiagnosed with defiance or depression when in reality, they are simply reflecting the stress from their parent, caregiver, or teacher—showing that stress can spread.
The only way to prevent this cycle is to learn how to become a more stress-free parent.
What can you do to alleviate your stress so that your child views you as calm, centered, and joyful?
Four steps to take today to become a stress-less family
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Acknowledge that your child is absorbing your stress. Write down at least three actions that you can take—or will take—to reduce your stress. Discuss and brainstorm the potential outcomes if these changes are not made.
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List the things that stress your child. While some may seem trivial or silly, if your child perceives something as stressful, it impacts their spirit, body, and mind.
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Generate ideas for removing stress from your child’s life. If it’s a school-related issue, you will need to advocate for your child and collaborate with the school to address it. If it stems from home, you and your partner will need to implement lifestyle or relationship adjustments that alleviate your child’s stress. For irrational fears, consider finding a skilled practitioner who can provide tools to handle these concerns.
- Assess your home environment. Is it soothing? Are the colors of the walls and furniture warm, gentle, and comforting? Is the space organized yet open enough to foster safety and relaxation? Is there adequate natural light? If not, think about modifications you can make.
Minor adjustments can greatly contribute to stress reduction. Keep in mind that your child’s spirit, body, and mind rely on your bravery to do whatever is necessary to mitigate their stress.
Editor’s Note: Dr. Sandy Gluckman is a specialist in learning and behavior, helping parents of tweens and teens who face attention, behavior, or mood challenges. Her website is www.drsandygluckman.com.
