Every parent of teenagers knows how challenging it can be to communicate with them, but it doesn’t have to be that way. There are several strategies parents can adopt, as well as a few actions they should avoid, to encourage their teens to listen. Here’s what the experts recommend:
Provide Clear Justifications
Teenagers appreciate when they feel their parents take them seriously, so when you want them to listen, avoid merely stating your opinions or giving orders. “Explain to them why those opinions are valid,” notes Rachel Ehmke from the Child Mind Institute. Offer solid reasons for your viewpoints and suggestions.
Give Them Time to Reflect
Processing important discussions can take days, even weeks, for teenagers. If your teens seem not to grasp what you’re saying at first, allow them some time and space to think it over before revisiting the topic. “You might be surprised at how your conversation can evolve over time,” explains clinical psychologist Dr. Gregory Jantz.
Ask Questions Instead of Giving Commands
Teens are more likely to contemplate what you tell them when you frame your statements as questions rather than orders. “By asking questions,” states Josh Shipp, author of The Grown-Up’s Guide to Teenage Humans, “you encourage your children to think critically for themselves.” Pose questions that prompt your teens to consider the implications and outcomes of their actions.
“Stop talking before your teen tunes out.”
Keep It Brief and Simple
Be concise, advises therapist Mendi Baron: “If you drone on, your teen might think, ‘I already got the point, please stop.’ Thus, cease talking before they lose interest.” This can be challenging because parents often want to express everything on their minds, but excessive talking can backfire.
Maintain Your Composure
Stay calm, even if your teens are disrespectful or disengaged during your conversation. Losing your temper can lead to conflicts escalating into shouting matches. Remember that as the adult, you should have better control over your emotions than your teens. Instead of reacting in anger, Ms. Ehmke suggests counting to ten or taking deep breaths before responding.
Avoid Lecturing
“If you lecture,” Mr. Shipp warns, “your teen will tune you out. This creates the scenario where, despite having important information, your teen won’t listen at all.” Lecturing is a one-sided conversation where only you speak, not a dialogue where both you and your teen communicate.
A lecture is a one-sided conversation where only you speak, rather than engaging in dialogue with your teen.
Steer Clear of Judgmental Language
“No one wants to feel judged,” states professional counselor Trudy Griffin. “If your tone sounds critical or judgmental, your teen may close off.” Aim to express your thoughts as neutrally as possible. When you eliminate judgmental language from conversations with your teen, Ms. Griffin suggests you’ll find they are much more open to listening to you.
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