While experiencing minor stress is a normal part of life, excessive and prolonged stress can negatively impact your children’s physical, mental, and emotional well-being. If you find that your kids are feeling overwhelmed by stress, what can you do to help manage it? Experts have several recommendations to consider:
Prioritize Your Well-Being and Demonstrate Stress Management
It may seem counterintuitive, but the most crucial step is to take care of yourself and manage your own stress levels. “Stress is really contagious,” notes child psychotherapist Lynn Lyons, author of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents. “When parents are stressed out, kids are stressed out.” Aim to maintain your composure and model effective stress management techniques for your children. “Just as flight attendants urge adults to secure their own oxygen masks before assisting others,” says child psychologist Dr. Jamie Howard, “parents must address their own physical and emotional needs to support their children effectively.” This involves being mindful of your exhaustion and hunger, and seeking emotional support from peers when necessary. As child psychology professor Dr. Amy Przeworski emphasizes, “If you prioritize your own self-care, your child will learn that taking care of oneself is essential. Children imitate their parents, so when considering your child’s mental health, reflect on your own as well.”
“Children learn behaviors from watching their parents. So when you think about your child’s psychological well-being, think about your own as well.”
Dr. Amy Przeworski
Teach Your Kids About Stress and Its Recognition
Help your children understand stress by educating them about its nature and how to identify it. According to Mrs. Lyons, it is vital for children to “learn to understand their own bodies and the physiology of stress.” They need to distinguish between normal physical reactions and those that indicate stress. For example, “While a child might feel nervous on the first day of school,” she explains, “leaving class due to stomach pain or waking up with headaches repeatedly signifies an overload.” Child psychotherapist Katie Hurley, author of The Happy Kids Handbook, suggests a practical method: draw a body outline and identify where stress manifests. Discuss various physical symptoms of stress, such as back pain, headaches, and stomachaches, and assist your children in recognizing how they respond when stressed. “The more children comprehend the link between symptoms and stress, the more adept they will be at asking for help,” Mrs. Hurley advises.
Foster Resilience in Your Kids
In addition to helping your children recognize stress, focus on building their resilience. One effective strategy is teaching them to take deep breaths during stressful moments. “Deep breathing can have a physiological effect,” states licensed mental health counselor Janice Halloran, author of The Coping Skills for Kids Workbook. “When stressed, the body tends to enter fight, flight, or freeze mode, leading to shallow breathing. Deep breaths can help return the body to a calmer state.” Practicing relaxation techniques with your children can also be beneficial. Dr. Przeworski suggests guiding them to visualize peaceful places, like a beach or a cozy hammock, and immerse themselves in the accompanying sounds and sensations.
“Deep breathing can actually have a physiological effect on the body.”
Janice Halloran, licensed mental health counselor
Encourage your children to face their fears rather than avoid them to enhance their resilience. Licensed psychotherapist Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, provides an important perspective using elevators as an example. If a child fears elevators and you consistently suggest taking the stairs, you unintentionally teach them that they aren’t strong enough to face their fears: “They grow up believing, ‘I’m not capable. If I’m scared of something, I shouldn’t do it. My parents don’t believe in me, so why should I believe in myself?’” Children mimic adult behaviors; thus, as child psychologist Dr. Lyn O’Grady points out, when kids witness adults displaying resilience through their actions and when they are explicitly taught social and emotional skills, they are more likely to develop resilience themselves.
Encourage Stress-Free Activities
Finally, introduce activities that provide a break from stress for your children. Mrs. Hurley recommends setting up “stress-free zones” or “relaxation centers” at home where kids can engage in enjoyable activities. Likewise, Mrs. Lyons encourages parents to promote activities characterized by “pure play”—those without competition, specific goals, or performance pressure, such as outdoor sports like biking, hiking, and running.
Editor’s Note: This content is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not represent medical or other professional guidance.
