If you think it’s too late, think again
By Deborah Dobbs, M.A. / Contributor
It was February 2006, just a week before I brought my daughter into the world. I was enjoying lunch with my father at Lavendou Bistro, my favorite restaurant, relishing every bite as if it were my last meal. I honestly believed that once my daughter entered this world, I would no longer have a life of my own. My father, amused by my thoughts, reassured me that my life wasn’t over and that I would still be able to pursue my passions, including writing that novel I felt ready to embark on.
I didn’t buy it.
As a new mother, I found that even a long shower felt like a vacation. However, I soon recognized that neglecting my own identity would set a poor example for my daughter. I began to prioritize activities for myself, though finding time to write that novel proved to be a challenge.
Then came my 40s, bringing with them a new sense of urgency. While parenthood might put your dreams on hold, if they are genuine and heartfelt, that dormant ambition will eventually awaken.
For me, that longing was to write a novel. Perhaps your aspiration involves travel, which parenting has now reframed to mean taking a long weekend in a nearby country. Or maybe it’s about launching your own business. I can assure you that the fulfillment from acknowledging your dream is worth the effort it demands. I spent two years, but I managed to write a novel I’m proud of! (Getting it published is a different journey altogether.) Here are several strategies that helped me chase my dream. Perhaps they will assist you as well.
Evaluate
Before diving into your dream, consider a few important factors. Is this aspiration genuinely yours? Is it driven by your passion or perhaps by envy of someone else’s life? Do you have the skills to pursue this dream? Are the barriers between you and your goal movable, or are they self-imposed or even harmful? Write down your thoughts and reflect on them thoroughly.
Develop a Plan
Choose a start date and mark it on your calendar. If you think you lack time for this dream, reassess your schedule. We often have more leisure time than we realize. (We discussed this in the last issue; if you missed it, check out the Good Life Family website.)
Take It Slow
Avoid discouragement by not setting unrealistic expectations. For instance, aiming to write 50,000 words in a month was not feasible for me. Instead, I learned to carve out manageable blocks of time for writing. My chapters are short, and the completion of each one lifted my spirits. Progress towards your goals should be achievable. Those small successes will keep you inspired.
Envision Your Success
Try this: as you settle into bed at night, envision yourself achieving your dream. There’s a unique state between wakefulness and sleep where you can immerse yourself in your fulfilled dream as you drift off.
Prepare for Resistance
Change can be unsettling for many, and pursuing a dream inherently requires change. Your family and social circles may feel disrupted, much like a puzzle where you’re shifting your piece. Your children may act out as they notice less attention, and friends might feel envious. Don’t let this negativity deter you. In time, they will adjust to your growth.
Find an Accountability Partner
Many suggest connecting with fellow parents who are chasing their dreams. I strongly recommend seeking the support of a professional—a therapist. (Not a “life coach,” unless they’re a licensed mental health expert.) Therapy isn’t only for when things go wrong. It’s an effective resource for pursuing life goals, strategizing, and navigating obstacles and setbacks.
Editor’s Note: Deborah Dobbs, M.A. is a sociologist with over 21 years of experience at The Counseling Place, a non-profit organization dedicated to enhancing emotional well-being for individuals of all ages. To reach her, call 469.283.0242 or visit www.counselingplace.org.
